Captivated

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby

2012-02-16T09:23:00.004-08:00

Today would have been Melissa Hope's 2nd birthday. I always thought that on this day, I would be celebrating with her, and the Chapman's, the family that was in the process of adopting her. God had other plans.

I will never forget Melissa and the impact she had on my life. You can read about that here and here.

This has been an especially hard day, but I have felt God's presence so strong and He is giving me peace as I continue this journey. One of the songs that really helped me get through this time was By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North. Here are some of the lyrics:

And I'll be by your side Wherever you fall In the dead of night Whenever you call And please don't fight These hands that are holding you My hands are holding you Look at these hands and my side They swallowed the grave on that night When I drank the world's sin So I could carry you in And give you life I want to give you life Cause I, I love you I want you to know That I, I love you I'll never let you go

On my way to work this morning, this song played on the radio. I knew that God was speaking to my heart and reminding me that He was here for me and was going to get me through this day. Then, we had chapel this morning and the first song the praise band played was this song. I began to tear up, but tried to hold it together. I just closed my eyes and felt God's presence all around me.

As sad as I am that I don't get to hug her and hold her, I know that she impacted so many, and that God will use her story for years to come. But even knowing that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. I covet your prayers as I continue about this day.

That One Star Flag State

2012-01-16T08:14:00.000-08:00

My roommate, Michelle, and I decided we needed a little vacation. So in October, we found a cheap flight and went to Dallas, Texas. We had no expectations, and no plans, except for a concert on Saturday night. We flew in on Thursday and went straight to our hotel.

Cue creepy thrasher movie music. Our hotel was a bit terrifying, but what can you expect from a cheap flight + hotel combination. We grabbed some food at a local Mexican restaurant and then decided to go to Billy Bob’s, which is a famous nightclub in Ft. Worth. We were expecting it to be kind of like the Wildhorse in Nashville, but boy, we were wrong! Ever heard of the Texas two-step? That is was EVERYONE was doing. It was really fun to watch then twirl and spin and dip, but it got boring after a little while. Apparently, this dance is in everyone’s blood. No beginners were on the floor, just seasoned veterans. We left after a little while and decided that we really needed to learn how to two-step.

Friday we woke up and headed to Dallas. We rode the downtown Trolley and ate at a yummy Chinese restaurant called Lovers Egg Roll. I could eat that every day.

After riding around on the trolley, we decided to go to a pumpkin festival! It reminded me of Cheekwood. There were so many pumpkins! We even found an orange and white house!

After walking around for a while, we decided to go see Cowboy stadium. Who wouldn’t want to see where the Cowboys play! Sadly, there is nothing on the stadium that even says “Dallas Cowboys.” It was a major letdown.

Right next to Cowboy Stadium was Ranger Stadium, where the Texas Rangers baseball team plays. The Rangers were one game away from going to the World Series, so it was pretty cool to see where they play. The stadium was super nice. After adventuring around the stadiums, we headed to Arlington to see what it was like. We detoured and say Dallas Baptist University. Such a little school, but extremely nice. On our way to Arlington, we heard on the radio that Chris Young would be playing for ten dollars! You better believe that we planned on doing that for the night! Before we did that, we drove around University of Texas, Arlington. We weren’t really impressed with the school. We decided on some Mexican food again, then headed to the concert.

I officially LOVE Chris Young. He was so great! We had a really great time at the concert. I looked at my phone when we left and I had a text from a random Nashville number that said “what are you doing in my city?” Creepy! I found out it was an old high school friend, and he wanted to meet up the next day. UT was playing so we decided on going to Buffalo Wild Wings and watching part of the game. Before we met up with him we went to see Gaylord Texas and Grapevine Mills. We had the best barbeque we had ever tasted and realized that Texas had a bit of a Nashville feel to it.

We raced back home to get ready for Ranch Bash, a huge festival in Fort Worth with Casey Donahew. It was so fun, but extremely crowded. It really made me appreciate Texas country music a whole lot more.

Overall, it was a really fun trip, and I would love to go back any time.

Moo Boo

2012-01-15T14:26:00.000-08:00

Melissa Hope. A lot of you know my personal journey with this amazing little girl. When I moved to Haiti, I never expected to do many of the things I did. I went down with an eager heart to serve a people group to the best of my ability. I went to Haiti with a fear of caring for children, but God knew exactly what He was doing when He placed me in Haiti.

After doing volunteer work for a few weeks, Quisqueya Christian School offered me a full-time teaching position at their school. QCS is a unique school, in that it was originally meant to educate children of missionary families, but has turned in to a school where many Haitians want their to kids to learn. QCS offers a top-notch education in English, and I was honored to be on staff. I had never taught before, so the learning curve was steep. I was lucky to have such great support at the school to help me learn as I was teaching.

My main goal with my students was to invest in their lives and let them know I really care, while teaching them about the incredible authors and works of literature that I have loved. Leaving there was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I think about my students daily.

If having a brand new job wasn’t enough of an adjustment in a foreign, third world country, Melissa came in to the picture. After Melissa was abandoned, I somehow opened my mouth to say that I would care for her. I thought caring for her meant a couple of days or weeks, and at the time, I didn’t realize that I would end up caring for her for 5 months and think of her as my child.

She was about 6 months old when she was abandoned, but was the size of a tiny newborn, suffering from a heart defect, Down’s syndrome, and malnutrition. In my short time with her, I learned more about myself than I could in any other situation.

I thought I was incapable of taking care of a child. The Lord made me capable. I was terrified to be her caregiver. The Lord calmed my fears. Many times I said, “I can’t do this! I’m 23!” The Lord matured me and reminded me that He was working through me. I didn’t know how to change a diaper, fix a bottle, or love a child. With the help of some friends and a lot of prayer, I learned all of those skills.

Melissa changed my life in a drastic way. I loved her with everything in me, and even though she couldn’t “love me back,” it was enough to know that she was changing my life. It was incredible to see her mimic some of the faces I would make to her. And who knew that I could talk to a baby! I sure didn’t.

When I moved into an apartment on campus, I was devastated to leave my Melissa Hope. In those few months, she became a child of mine, and I loved her as a mother loves a daughter. It basically ripped my heart knowing I wouldn’t see her as often. Little did I know I would only get five more minutes with her.

Jenny Chapman was in the process of adopting Melissa Hope. She had been doing everything in her power to get Melissa home, but kept hitting snags. When I left Haiti in May, all I could think about was getting to see Melissa more often once she was home with Jenny in Alabama. A short drive, and I would be reunited with this child that I loved. On September 5^th, I was on my way home from a canoe trip with my church. I checked my Facebook and I had a message from Jenny saying, “Call me ASAP.” In my head I was hoping she was going to tell me that Melissa was coming home, but in my heart, I knew that would not be the case.

The night before, we had a worship night, and I couldn’t stop crying. If you know me at all, you know that I NEVER cry. I think my tear ducts have dried up. I had no idea why water was flowing my eyes, but now I believe that God was preparing my heart for what I was about to hear.

I called Jenny, and from the moment she answered the phone, I knew something was wrong. She put it plainly and softly said, “Melissa died this afternoon.” My head started spinning and I started to cry uncontrollably. My heart felt like it was broken in half, and I couldn’t even breathe. I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted it to be false. Jenny explained to me what happened, but I didn’t comprehend it very well. As far as I knew, her oxygen level had dropped, and she passed away peacefully.

I don’t understand it. I’m not sure I even believe it as true. I keep thinking that I’ll get to go down to Alabama for her homecoming and spend more time with her. It’s so surreal, and the hardest death I’ve had to face thus far.

So where do I go from here? Some days I’m paralyzed by the fear that I have. I loved Melissa with my entire heart, and now she’s gone. As much as the pain is still there, I have to remember the amazing things that Melissa did in her short life.

She changed my life. She changed a lot of other people’s lives too. If her only purpose in her 18 months of life was to radically change my life, then I can rejoice in her death, because she definitely fulfilled that purpose. I’m not sure I knew what it meant to love until I loved that child.

I’m definitely one to say, “I love you!” to everyone that I know. I want people to know that I care about them, and I try to invest in others lives. Since knowing Melissa, that is even more true now.

As much as it sucks to know that I’ll never see her again, her story will live on for years. She was a very special little girl, and I have no doubt that hundreds of people will carry on her story. The Lord has blessed me with the opportunity of caring for her, and I am so thankful that He allowed me to do that. As much as I said, “I can’t do this!” He has proved faithful and will continue to help me every step of the way.

Semester One of Graduate School

2011-12-17T18:46:00.000-08:00

Since I've been on such a hiatus, I'm going to start from the most recent things and try to work my way back.

When I came home, I enrolled at Lipscomb University to start my Masters of Education. My first class was called Principles of Learning. I basically learned how people learn. It was really interesting, and ended up coming out of that class with a 100. I couldn't believe that I was in a Masters class and received a 100 percent.

My second class was called planning, instruction, and assessment. That is pretty self-explanatory. I wrote lots of lesson plans and learned a whole lot about assessing how students learned. I have gained so much knowledge, and I'm happy to report that I am a lesson plan writing fool! I had to write a 5 lesson plan unit plan, and decided on an 8th grade unit over The Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe. I had a really great time writing it, and ended up getting a perfect score on it!

Overall, I got an A in both of those classes, so I got my first 4.0! I'm looking forward to my next classes that start in January.

When I started my Masters program, I wanted to teach 7-12 English. I still do, but I have decided to get certified in two subjects... English 7-12 and Math 7-12. I know, I know... who does English AND Math? Well, this girl does! I start taking some refresher Math courses in January along with my basic Masters classes. I'm going to be a busy girl!

In addition to taking Masters classes, I have been tutoring at Davidson, which is where I went to high school. I subbed there every now and then, but just the other day, they offered me a full-time job for next semester! I'll be watching study halls all day, which sounds totally boring, but it will give me a chance to connect with kids. I'll still be tutoring, but I have a more permanent position.

I think what I am most excited about is just connecting with students and hanging out with them and allowing God to work in me in that capacity.

I've been going through a bit of a tough season, but the Lord is faithful and has been putting amazing people in my life to lift my spirits and remind me of my purpose here in Nashville.

Here's a sneak preview of some posts that are in the works...

Me and my roomie, Michelle, took a road trip to Texas
I went to 48395239 concerts this Summer, including a few of a close friend
My sweet Melissa passed away in September, and I haven't been able to write a post about it
Awesome things that are happening in the life of my church, Hope Fellowship

That is just a few things that I'm thinking about, but I promise to try to stay on top of my blogging.

K

To Blog or Not To Blog

2011-12-13T17:38:00.000-08:00

I have been debating on whether or not I want to keep blogging. I have taken a MAJOR hiatus, but I have finally decided that I am going to keep blogging. My life has taken so many twists and turns since I returned from Haiti, and I want to be able to document and share with you the many changes that I am going through.

But I'm not going to start blogging until tomorrow. I want to do a "catch up" post and let you know about some really exciting things in my life and the life of my best friends. Stay tuned!

K

It's Been A While

2011-08-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

Hey friends!

It's been quite a while since I last blogged. I wish that I could put in to writing the emotions I have felt lately. I have had good feelings and sad feelings, angry feelings and everything in between. I'm going to try to recap the summer, but mostly through pictures since that is less boring :)

I got home after a LONG day of travel and immediately went to Steak and Shake with my 7 friends that came with me to the airport. This picture is gross, but it's the only one we took that night.

I finally got reunited with the Tripod!

A few days after I got home, my cousins, aunt, uncle, and grandma came for a Nashville visit!

I met a famous guy...

I was a date to a wedding.

Then there was camp. I really want to devote a whole blog to the awesomeness of camp, but this one little picture can show you just how ridiculous it is.

After camp, we headed downtown for the fireworks and a pretty sweet Darius Rucker concert.

After that, I headed up to Pigeon Forge with my roomie to see this guy. I just love Georgey.

That really sums up a lot of the summer. I've been hanging out with lots of people and just readjusting to life. I got in to grad school at Lipscomb University and I start on August 22. I will be getting my Masters of Education in instructional practice. I am super excited about the possibilities once I have my Masters.

I've been applying for jobs left and right, but not having much luck. I'm hoping to have something nailed down in the next week, and actually just got word of an interview on Friday. Yay!

Not a day goes by that I don't think about Haiti. My heart aches all the time. The past few days have been especially hard. I keep seeing pictures of Melissa and Junior, and many other children who touched my life. I miss giving them hugs and loving them. I miss my students. I'm around high schoolers pretty much every day, but I miss the bond that I shared with the students at QCS. I didn't think it would be this hard, but wow. I just want to teleport back there. My life here seems so meaningless. I'm not really doing anything to change the world like I said I would.

There are so many opportunities at my feet, yet I'm terrified to take them. I'm scared to put myself out there and love like I loved in Haiti. I hate this feeling, and I know it is one that only God can cure. So I'm going to pray. I'm going to pray that I love without abandon. I'm going to pray for every person in Haiti that I came in contact with. I'm going to pray for the people I'm around here in Tennessee. I'm going to step up and be the woman of God that I know I am supposed to be.

Sorry for that little rant, I just needed to get it out. I'm going to TRY to blog more regularly, but my life is still pretty boring right now :)

America!

2011-06-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

I am back in America! Nashville, to be exact. I haven't really had time to blog because life has been go, go, go. I wanted to give a quick update just to let you know how I'm doing.

After stressing out about who was going to pick me up at the airport, I was surprised by 8 lovely friends who welcomed me with open arms. We went to Steak and Shake where I had an amazing bacon cheeseburger!

Monday I went to meet my niece, Kailee. She is super cute, but the girl cried the entire time I was there. I'm convinced she doesn't like me very much. After visiting for a while, I went to surprise my friend Katie at the airport. She had just flown in from Bulgaria. I wanted to show my support, so we visited, then went to Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. After dinner, being the cheesy girl I am, I visited my friend Kellye and watched the Bachelorette. I do love that show!

Tuesday night I went over to a house and met up with my best friend from high school, Aubrey. I am in her wedding in October, so she introduced me to all of the bridesmaids. It was so fun just to meet everyone and finally be able to be part of the wedding.

Wednesday was best friend Adam's 27th birthday! We went to Chili's for lunch and helped him celebrate the day. After lunch, I went to an animal shelter with two other friends and played with puppies. That night was Bible study, which was a great time of worship.

I have been super busy with everyone, so today is my first day to just sit by myself. A couple of people have asked me how I have been dealing with being back. I honestly haven't even had time to think about it. It has been challenging trying to process all of my thoughts. I miss Haiti so much, but I'm having so much fun visiting all of my friends. I haven't really been able to talk about it much, which makes it challenging to process all of the things going on in my brain.

So once I figure out how I'm dealing with all this, I'll let you know :)

I Don't Like This One Bit

2011-05-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

I've been avoiding blogging because I'm not quite ready to leave. After not being able to cry for the past two months, I have been a blubbering idiot these past few days.

Sunday, I said goodbye to my church family.

Today, I say goodbye to one of my closest friends, Heidi, and a couple of my students.

Tomorrow, I say goodbye to all of my students and another close friend, Katie.

Thursday, another friend, Jaime, leaves.

Saturday is graduation, where I'll see the seniors for the last time.

Algebra one sophomores!

10th Grade Boys

American Lit Juniors

10th Grade Girls

Sunday, I fly out.

I don't feel ready to go. My heart aches each time I have to say goodbye. Last week during class, we had a pretty relaxing week of review and just hanging out. I wrote every single one of my students a letter telling them how special they are to me and how much I will miss them. They all really appreciated it, but no one really said anything until I got to my Junior class.

One of the kids wanted me to go around and say one thing that I have loved about each student. That is so easy. I could do that all day long. After I finished going through the twelve of them, they started saying things to me. I was definitely not expecting it at all.

The things they said to me are marked in my heart forever. I have often wondering if I have even impacted one student while I've been here, and they definitely showed me that I did. God moved mountains in my life, and I'm so glad they were able to see Him moving in my life.

A lot of the boys in the class started out by apologizing for being so bad and rude. In the past few weeks, they were on a roll of bad behavior, so it was nice to hear them apologize. Many of them said they really respected me for leaving my comfortable life and coming here, even if it wasn't what my parents wished.

Cue watery eyes.

They were being so sentimental. There goal was to get me to cry, and I was trying to hold back. I didn't want them to see me break down, and I didn't want it to be goodbye. I held strong through four of five of their comments, but then one girl started. She is in my discipleship group, but has been fairly quiet throughout the year. She is a fantastic writer, but told me that she had quit writing because she didn't see it taking her anywhere. She told me that even though I never said keep it up, keep going, that she was motivated to continue writing because of me.

Cue more watery eyes.

She said that she saw Christ working in my life, and I didn't have to say keep going, and keep it up because she saw that I just up and left my parents and my life to come and work here. She said that I inspired her to keep working hard.

Cue tears flowing down my face.

I definitely didn't expect to hear that. It is incredible how God has moved this semester. He deserves every ounce of glory for the things that have happened this semester. All I have done is try to be obedient to His calling, and I'm glad that He is getting glory from this experience. I'm so sad to leave, but knowing that God has used my time here to glorify Him, I am pleased.

Even though I'm sad about leaving, I'm also really excited to go home and see my friends! These are just a few of them...

My new roomie!

Sweet Maci, and the rest of her family

College friends, Amanda and J
Work friend/BFF Jessie

John Mark!
Best friend, Kellye

The Tripod, of course

Hopefully a reunion will be in the works!

The other day, while I was avoiding grading, I made a list of some of the things I want to do this summer. Most of them are Nashville faves, but they are all things I want to do. I thought I would share with you so you can either reminiscence if you've done these things, put them on your wish list, or make fun of me for being absolutely ridiculous.

1. CMA Festival - I've got tickets to go and I'm so excited! Jaime and my other friend Amy are coming down for it.
2. Play in the fountains - one of my favorite past times.
3. Laser Quest
4. Mike's ice cream - birthday cake milkshake. Yes, please.
5. Margaritaville - they have some dang good nachos.
6. Wildhorse - a little country line dancin'
7. Play at Centennial - preferably the game, signs.
8. Go fishing
9. Go swimming - hopefully lots
10. Eat s'mores
11. Cook a meal for friends
12. Read a book - hopefully lots more than just one.
13. Donate clothes
14. Make a budget - it's time to be a big girl
15. Learn to ride a bike - I still don't know how
16. Have an "around the world" party - I'm big into cultural food. I'll bring the rice and beans!
17. Have a picnic
18. Pancake Pantry - one of my Nashville favorites
19. Eat a popsicle at Las Paletas
20. Gigi's Cupcakes
21. Arrignton Vineyard - a wine tasting could be fun and sophisticated
22. Shoot off fireworks
23. Eat at mellow mushroom
24. Volunteer somewhere
25. Smokies Game!

I know there is a ton more that I want to do, I just haven't been able to put it on paper yet. I'm hoping for one incredible summer, but I never want to forget the things I have learned and experienced here in Haiti. The goodbyes are sad, but God has truly blessed every ounce of my time here.

If you see me in the airport crying, don't be alarmed, I just miss my home.

One Haiti Dilemma

2011-05-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

"Give me one dollar!" "Give me!" Whenever we walk down the street to our favorite little grocery store or the "faster food" restaurant close to us, these phrases ring out in the streets. Those two, along with my personal favorite, "blan!" (Blan means "white" in Creole) My first reaction is to scoop up these small kids and empty my pockets and do anything I can to give them something. What I didn't realize was that in my compassion, I could really be hurting them further. "But how can giving a small kid some money hurt him?" I asked the same thing. My friend Ben found this awesome article on Haitian trafficking that really sent a shock of reality through my bones. There had been talk around campus about these little beggars, and one individual stated that "bigger boys" often take the money from the boys and physically abuse them. It is a way of trafficking that absolutely disgusts me. To think that these little boys, that are just hungry and want some food, are forced to ask for money so that the bigger boys can take it from them makes my heart break. So what can I do? Our friend circle had a conversation and the solution is not simple. If you give them money, they bigger boys will take it and abuse them. If you don't give them money, the bigger boys will abuse them for not having anything. We talked about buying them food and drinks whenever we can. That seems like the best solution, but the trafficking needs to be stopped. Only God has the perfect solution, but it still breaks my heart to know that these kids live a live of tragedy.

Every time I leave the walls of the compound where I live and teach, I can only pray that God would heal them. I may not be able to change the world, but my God can.

I hope you'll read the article. I found it super interesting.

Lets Talk About Sex

2011-05-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

Ninjas, or something

It all started with this passage from The Hiding Place:

"It was that the solemn mother-daughter talk promised over the years for this night, the entire sex education which out taciturn society provided, was now not possible."

BUT MISS!!! Are you telling us that girls didn't get the sex talk until the night before they were married?!

Why yes, yes that is what I'm saying. My tenth grade class sat there, stunned.

Miss, I got that talk in the fourth grade.

This remark turned in to an hour long discussion on sex, dating, marriage, and relationships. And I didn't stop it. They were so engaged and interested in what I thought and what the Bible said about these topics. It was truly one of the best conversations we have had. Even though it wasn't on topic of the book, it was an encouraging conversation to have with these girls.

"Miss, why did you decide to wait?"

My class has known for a while that I was saving myself for marriage. I wear my "true love waits" ring every day, so they had asked me what it meant and I simply said that I was waiting until I got married to have sex. I was glad when this question came up because it gave me a chance to tell my story.

I don't recall ever getting "the sex talk" from my parents. I do remember getting it at school. "Sex is bad!" What an inaccurate way of explaining sex! That statement molded my view of sex from that point on. Not only did I want nothing to do with it, but I was TERRIFIED of it. No one ever told me how much of a gift from God it was. It was much later in life that I finally realized that sex is NOT bad. Outside of marriage, it is a sin and there are consequences, but inside of a God ordained marriage, it is a blessing! Even today, I have to wrap my brain around that. I have to put aside the thought that sex is bad, and remember that it is such a wonderful thing IF it is inside a marriage.

I wanted to pour truth into these girls, and I could see that so many of them had questions on the topic. I had them write questions down, and one girl said she had no idea that sex outside of marriage was a sin. I was thanking God that at least one girl heard the truth.

Then it moved to dating. I really don't like to talk about dating often because I have been so scarred by it. They wanted to know everything I thought about the topic, so I was asking God to give me the words to say to these girls. They knew a little bit about my past with boys, but they were asking in depth questions.

But Miss, I REALLY like him, but he is a player. My response: RUN. Don't even think twice about it because you'll probably end up getting hurt.

What if your parents don't want you to date? Obey. The Bible children, obey your parents. Chances are, they know what is best for you, and know that dating in the tenth grade often leads to heartbreak.

What if he asks you to sneak out to see him? Oh no. Don't do it! If he wants you to break your parents trust, then he is not worth your time.

We started talking about qualities that we liked in a guy. They were rattling off "nice eyes" and "great smile." I was giggling, and all of the sudden they said "MISS! What the the top five qualities that you won't compromise in a guy?" That question is often so difficult for me because I tend to be extremely picky when it comes to guys I date. But I tried, and here is what came out.

1. Man of God who loves God more than he will ever love me and strives for a relationship to grow in Christ.
2. A servant who always wants to help the people we are surrounded with and others around the world.
3. Attractive, because you just can't have a relationship if you aren't attracted to the person.
4. Adventurous and always wants to explore and find new things to do.
5. Intelligent, but not overly intelligent to where I feel stupid.

They giggled at some, but understood every single one of the things I was saying. We talked about building your relationship on the foundation of Christ, because without Him in the relationship, it is doomed. Relationships are incredible difficult, but 10 times harder if Christ is not the center of it.

I may never know if anything I said affected a single person, but God was definitely working in several of their hearts. I had them write down the things they learned and the questions they still had. I know God is stirring in their hearts and I'm excited to see where they go from here.

I know that I don't have many answers when it comes to dating and marriage and sex, but God spoke through me and allowed me to communicate His truths. After that class period, I was looking back at the people I chose to date in my past. I wish I would've listened to my own advice in college.

These girls mean so much to me, and I was so excited that I got to share a little piece of how God healed my heart with them.

My wonderful tenth grade class

Washin' Feet

2011-05-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

This Friday is my last meeting with my discipleship group. We have had so many ups and downs during our time together. We have prayed together, laughed together, and grown together. One of the hardest parts about leaving is leaving these precious girls.

We have studied many different passages, learned what it means to be “uncommon”, and talked about our futures. We have dealt with attitudes, family problems, and health issues.

Last week was the best time that we have had the entire year. I wanted to do something really special that they would remember for a long time. I wanted to share Christ’s love for his disciples, and turn that into my love for them. I also wanted to encourage them and serve them.

During lunch, I came up to my apartment and set up the room. I lit candles, put the Bible on the table, a filled a basin with water.

I got the girls and brought them upstairs. I told them that before they go in, to leave their socks and shoes outside of the door. I think several of them suspected something, but for the most part, they had no idea. We sat in a circle and I read the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet. I told them that I wasn’t coming back next year, but I wanted them to know that they will always hold a special place in my heart. I wanted to serve them, and let them know exactly what they meant to me.

I started with one of the sophomore girls, then moved around the circle until I had washed each girls feet. Three of them cried, and in my heart, I was breaking down as I was telling them what they meant to me. It was such a special experience for all of us. I finished reading the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet, then said a special prayer over them.

I was praying so much for God to move in just one of the girls’ lives. I may never know what He did in their hearts, but he broke down barriers and moved us closer as a group. God really showed up and moved in my heart during that time.

I’m sad to leave them, but I know that God is going to continue to work in each of their lives. I, for one, am so excited to see what they are going to be doing in the months and years to come.

I Have A Home!

2011-05-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

It is now official. I have a place to live when I get home!

My awesome friend Michelle, who visited me here in Haiti, moved to Nashville and bought the cutest little townhouse. I am so excited to be rooming with her, and can't wait until all of the fun and crazy times we will have together.

I have been a bit stressed about coming home. It is going to be a huge transition, but this is an incredible blessing. Now I just need to figure out job situation. I applied to Libscomb University for a Masters in Education. I will go for an interview when I get home. I'm hoping to be admitted and start the road to becoming a certified teacher.

Michelle and I when she visited!

My B-E-A-utiful Apartment!

2011-04-25T17:54:00.000-07:00

I was just looking through my old blogs and realized that I never updated pictures of my apartment once I got a bed!

I was on an air mattress for about a month, but when they got me a bed, they GOT ME A BED! It is awesome AND comfortable. Thanks to decorations from my friends Michelle and Jenny, my room no longer looks like a prison, but more like a home. I actually LOVE staying in here and reading or watching movies! Here are the pics.

My very own BED!!!! Isn't is beautiful!

Cute wall decorations, courtesy of Jenny C!

Cute orange bulletin board from Michelle!

Sports Day 2011

2011-04-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

Today was family sports day at Quisqueya. This is a day where families can come to the school and hang out and play various activities. It started at nine, but of course, I had to be fashionably late. I strolled down at 9:15 and went over to the basketball courts.

The high schoolers were playing the game that I knew of as "gotcha", but they call it knockout, or bump. Now I LOVE basketball, but when you put one in my hands, it is nothing less than comical. After they played a few games, they roped me in to playing with them. I think they just wanted an easy target to get out.

If you can't tell, the boy is shooting with one arm. He won. Crazy!

Shockingly, I got second place in my very first game. I am definitely not good at basketball in any way, shape, or form, but I held my own. One of my junior students finally got me out, but we played a hard game. From that point on, another student (who I had to give detention to) decided to make it his mission to get behind me every single time and get me out as quick as possible. He did. From that point on, I didn't really make it past the second round. It was still a lot of fun.

We all ventured to the field and played several games for all levels. There was a tug of war (which I somehow got roped into doing), a hula hoop contest, penalty kick showdown, and then a big soccer game.

It is really awesome to see families interacting with one another. It isn't very often that I get to see the students interacting with their parents, so watching little boys be so proud of their dads when they made a goal, or dads wanting to play games just so make their kids happy was an incredible sight.

One of my sophomores hula hooping. That is talent, right there.

They fed us awesome "ballpark food", meaning hamburgers, hot dogs, and fries. It was so tasty! We played more games, er, I spectated. My fuel had about run out.

I HATE tug of war. I'm the odd ball that does not want to be there.

But I really did try!

I think I could've probably beat him.

I went to watch some of the guys play basketball, when one of my students plopped down right beside me. I could tell that something was bothering her, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. When I got to the bottom, it was all petty, stupid drama. After talking for an hour, I found my heart aching for her. I flashed back to some of the stupid things I had to face when I was her age. Very similar stories of heartbreak and backstabbing. I prayed for God to give me the words to say to her, and I tried to soothe her. I told her that I faced many of the same things when I was her age. We all have to decide who we are going to be, and be it. I might never know if anything I said got to her, but I know that the Lord was in the conversation.

After the incredible conversation, I played some soccer with a third grader and fifth grader. Soccer is really NOT my sport. I'm terrible at it.

Jaime and I were invited to dinner with The Hendrick's, so we went and ate yummy pasta then played this ridiculous game called "Scum" until late in the evening. I'm happy to tell you that I did not end up being Scum!

It was such a fun-filled packed day, and I was truly blessed through all of it.

Kidnapped

2011-04-12T16:09:00.000-07:00

Imagine being at your comfy home, where you thought no harm could ever come to you. All of the sudden, someone bursts in, robs you, and takes you, all while pointing a gun at you.

Now imagine being a husband, a wife, a child, or a friend of that person. My heart is absolutely broken and torn in half right now.

While I was doing my morning routing at school, a middle schooler came up to me and said, "Kristina, (name removed for safety) was kidnapped last night."

My heart sank.

No other information, just that she was taken.

I met her when I came down for a week long trip in October of 2009. She treated me like I was her own and spoke truth into my life. She is a pastor's wife at a church where I've visited several times.

I taught English to Haitians under her, and she guided me when I realized I had no idea what I was doing.

She gives the best hugs, and always wants to know how I am doing, whether I see her for 5 minutes or 5 hours. She has been like a Haitian mom to me, and one of the downsides of moving to campus is that I no longer get to see her very often.

But now she has been taken. Ripped from her home and taken to a place where we don't know.

My head is scattered. My heart is burning.

I have not once felt unsafe in this country. Tonight, that changes a bit. I never fear that I will be kidnapped. It is extremely rare for an American to be kidnapped, but I never once thought that someone I know, a personal friend, would ever be in danger. Several of my students have had relatives kidnapped, or friends, but her?

All day I tried to push out the thoughts of discouragement and sadness and make it through my seven classes, while continuing to pray for her constantly.

I keep asking God why. Why her? Why now? Will you keep her safe? Will you bring her home? In the midst of all my questions, I only know one thing. I know God is faithful. I know that His will is way bigger than mine, and whatever he does with this situation, He will get glory from it. I won't stop praying for her, for her family, and for all those that she has affected, and I'm asking you to do the same.

I know that God will get glory from this situation, but right now, the vision is foggy. I have faith in my God and trust His decisions WAY over mine.

Please, please, please join me in prayer for this precious woman that I love so so dearly.

Tet Kale!

2011-04-06T16:20:00.000-07:00

Haitian politics is an extremely frustrating subject. The search for a new President has been going on since November. It is finally nearing the end of the process! Instead of rehashing the entire thing in an extremely long blog, I am going to copy what I wrote down in my journal concerning the election.

April 5, 2011

Around 5 pm last night, the election process in Haiti came to a close… almost. Martelly was announced as Haiti’s next Prezidan. The election process started in November, with about 16 candidates craving the power. We didn’t have school for a couple of days because there were so many reports of fraud. Many of the ballot boxes were “pre-stuffed” with ballots cast for Celestin. Jude Celestin is the current president’s (Rene Preval) son-in-law. Obviously, Preval really wanted Celestin to win, so it made sense that he helped in the cheating process.

Pretty much everyone in Haiti knew ther would be a run-off election between the top two. On December 7, 2010, the CEP (electoral board) announced the results of the elections. Mirlande Manigat (former first lady) – 33%, Jude Celestin – 22.8%, Michel “Sweet Mickey” Martelly (the people’s favorite) – 21.4%. From those results, Manigat and Celestin would be the top two in the run-off.

Port-au-Prince erupted in anger. People were crowding the streets, burning tires, trash and cars. Martelly and Manigat both challenged the results, and once the challenged results were in, Manigat and Martelly were the two that would face off in the run-off election.

Last week the Haitian’s voted and we all waited eagerly for the results. The results were originally supposed to be last Thursday (March 31), but they delayed it to yesterday.

I was taking quite the long nap when I was jolted awake by loud screams and gunshots (the good kind, of course). I raced outside and all I heard was MARTELLY! I knew exactly what happened. The people had spoken, and Martelly was announced victorious by 67%.

The teachers that live on campus peeked over the wall for about 30 minutes and we heard so many shouts of joy. Many of them were singing. Large herds of people were running down the streets in celebration. Everyone was so happy, and thankfully, they settled down by 8:30 so I could go to the White’s house to watch the Butler/UConn championship game.

There have been reports that the results have been challenged, but I do not think that the results were change. I am still waiting on the date when Martelly will finally be inaugurated as President. Then, and only then, will I finally feel like this process is completely over. My fears of missed days of school will finally subside and the Haitian people will finally get what they deserve… a voice.

Obsessed

2011-03-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It has taken me an incredible amount of time to read, but I think that God allowed me to finish it at the exact time I needed it. I have been feeling so off lately. Apathy has been my worst enemy. This feeling started about two weeks ago, and I am finally at my wits end with it. Instead of enjoying my last few weeks in Haiti, all I have been looking at is getting home. Throughout the week, I am totally fine. The days go by so quickly, but when the weekend rolls around, I wallow around in my self-pity and feel bad for myself. Instead of doing something about it like reading my Bible and praying, I would watch movies and play on Facebook. I didn’t care what was happening in my heart. I shut it out, saying “I’ll deal with this later.” Later finally caught up with me.

I don’t want to regret my last 8 weeks here. I’ve been on that path. I am in no way miserable being here; I’m just really homesick. I see what my friends are doing and I long to be with them. I love my friends here, I love my students, but my heart is so set on Nashville, and what life will be like once I’m there. I’ve been disobedient to what God is calling me to do. I have not abandoned my faith, but I’ve become a lazy person in all aspects. I’m not being the best anything: best teacher, best friend, best daughter, best sister.

As I was reading the final chapters of Crazy Love, Francis Chan profiles characteristics of the obsessed. I recalled the times in my life when Christ was my all. I remember in High School, facing the torment of other students because I was a “good girl” and a “Bible beater.” I remember in college and being involved in 5 Bible studies a week because I couldn’t get enough of Christ. I recall a few months ago when I was sitting in my room crying out to Christ because He was ALL I had. I look back at Spring Break when incredible friends surrounded me and we had so many great conversations about what God was doing. So many instances have I seen those characteristics in my life. I look in the mirror right now, and all I see is lazy, avoidant, unloving. All of the things I never wanted to be, I have become.

Where did that “obsessed” girl go? I’ve been avoiding conversations about the topic because I was terrified to admit it. Until last night, that is. God has placed some incredible people in my life while I have been here in Haiti, and last night was one of the nights where God used His perfect timing to break me down. One of the teachers was in my apartment until 1:00 this morning and I poured out my heart to her. I told her how unhappy and disappointed I was that I’ve let myself get this far. I have no willpower to even care about the Bible or prayer. I haven’t loved my students like they need.

She was so practical and said “then start doing something. Talking about it will not solve anything. You will wish for these days in Haiti where you can sit around and be lazy, but don’t waste this time.” So profound. Exactly what I needed to hear. I can complain and mope and say I wish I was still that girl, but if I just talk about it, nothing will change.

So I am going to be the girl that I know God wants me to be. I’m done complaining and moping. I’m starting to cry as I write this because it feels so good to say those words. I haven’t wanted to say those words in so long. I’m completely surrendered in every aspect of my life. I will not waste these last weeks.

Ok, Kristina, it’s out there. You’ve said it. But what will change? What are you going to do?

Francic Chan laid out 13 different characteristic of being obsessed.

1. Lovers – I want to love those that have hurt me. I will pray for those who persecute me and don’t understand me. I will give without repayment, whether that be physically or emotionally. I will love those that cannot love me back.

2. Risk Takers – I will not be consumed with my personal safety and comfort, but I will look more to what will advance the Kingdom, whether that involves my pain or not.

3. Friend of All – I will love the poor. I will pray for them. I will help them in any way that I possibly can, whether that be in Haiti or the States.

4. Crazy One – I will stick out. I will not conform to what everyone expects me to be. I will follow Christ, even if that path does not end in wealth of success.

5. The Humble – I will NOT be prideful. I will refuse recognition for anything because I know that it is Christ that is working through me.

6. Servers – I will not look at serving others as a burden, but a pleasure. Not because I have to, but because by serving someone, I can love them.

7. Givers – I will give. I will give financially, emotionally, physically, in any way that I can. I will always see my self as “too fortunate” and help those that I know are in need.

8. Sojourners – I will constantly keep my thoughts heavenward. I will rejoice in what God allows me to do on Earth, but I will keep my focus on what is above.

9. The Engrossed – I will have a passionate love for God above every other thing that I love. I will not allow my family, friends, job, or anything else to become an idol.

10. Unguarded One – I will not mask the ugliness of my sin. I will not hide the struggles I face. I will never be afraid to tell God exactly how I am feeling and what I am going through.

11. The Rooted – I will be fed through the Word of God. I will be more intimate with Him by spending time learning about Him and growing in His Word. I refuse to be distracted by all the messages I face each day.

12. The Dedicated – I will not allow my joy to depend on the circumstances around me. My joy will come from the ultimate joy giver, God alone.

13. Sacrificers – I will be faithful to my Savior no matter the cost. I will thank Him for everything, every day. I will be a child and a friend of God.

I’ve known for a long time that I’m not going to be normal. I’m not going to live a comfortable life in the States and make a lot of money. God did not create me that way. I have a burning passion for Him and I want to focus on being right here, right now. I do want to look to my future and pray that God does His will in my life, but right now, I need to get back to the girl I know I’m supposed to be. That means that I’m spending way less time on Facebook and worrying about what is going on in America, and more time delving into His word and learning more about my incredible Savior. I finally feel that burn and the passion for knowing Him more, and I do not want to be distracted by the things that have distracted me for the past several months.

I have an incredible opportunity. It is right here in front of me. I am not going to waste my final eight weeks. I will have intentional conversations and I will love my God with everything that is inside of me. He has already transformed me so much, and I refuse to be apathetic anymore.

I would love your prayers. This is definitely a process, and I’m not claiming it to be an easy one. I know that God will work in me and I finish out this incredible experience in Haiti. Love you all.

YEC!

2011-03-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

I was looking forward to YEC all week during Spring Break. I have never actually gone to YEC, but I know that God has always done huge things at this conference. I was psyched to finally be involved and be refreshed in Him. Most people know that one of my favorite places to eat is Buffalo Wild Wings, so before heading to help out, a couple of friends and I went to BWW to enjoy those delicious wings.

We got there pretty early to "finish setting up", which really means we just hung out until it was time for doors to open. Doors opened and people flooded in. I was on the "greeting team", so I welcomed the kids as they came in the door. It was a lot of fun, primarily because there was a lot of my friends around me doing the same thing. After the first session started, we went downstairs to set up a mission project area called Change This World. They made a presentation that absolutely broke my heart. One of the startling stats they mentioned is that every 3 seconds, a child dies from starvation. What is so sad about this is that starvation is a preventable disease. "The world produces enough food to feed every human being 2700 calories per day!" Over 1 billion people in the world are undernourished, and change this world is doing something about it.

Change this world schedules events for schools, churches, and individuals who want to help. The school/church raises 12,000 dollars to package 50,000 meals. These meals are then distributed all over the world, including Haiti! 12,000 sounds like a lot of money, but it doesn't require just cold donations. They have a store where you can buy t-shirts, and all of the money that purchased that t-shirt goes to your event. You need at least 150 volunteers on event day, so if all of the volunteers bought a shirt, you've already raised $3,000!

We helped set up the event because several groups throughout the weekend were going to be packaging 50,000 meals. The meals include rice, soy, a dried veggie blend, and chicken flavored vitamin and mineral powder. Once the family receives the meal, they just add boiling water and voila, there is a balanced meal that can save someone's life.

I've always had a heart for the poor, but I really haven't known how to tangibly help. I know several high school students who feel the same way, and Change This World is such a great example to show that you can help. You don't always have to go, sometimes you can package meals.

This shirt from Change This World helps pack 50 meals!

After we finished set-up, and packaged a few meals ourselves, we ate lunch and got ready for the second session. I greeted once again, and this time around, I think I did even better than the first. The night session usually has more people, so we decided to have a little fun with them. We decided to be manikin's then once the group got inside the door we would jump out at them and yell "Welcome to YEC!" I sound like a total dork, but it was A LOT of fun! I was really excited about getting to actually watch the second session. Everyone that saw the first session said it was incredible, so I was excited to see God move this time around. The speaker was Afshin Ziafat. He is a former Muslim, who was disowned from his family for preaching the gospel. He really spoke to students about his experience, and how it paid off for him follow Christ. When we follow Christ, we have to give up a lot, but we gain so much more! It was a fantastic sermon, and when the time came, a bunch of students accepted Christ, and stood up for what they believed in. It reminded me to keep the faith no matter what adversity may come my way, whether it be unbelieving friends, rotten students, or personal attacks on my ministry.

A bunch of friends at the Youth Evangelism Conference
L to R: Patrick, Michael, me, Molly, Adam, Justin, Miranda, Lindsay

That night, the Tennessee Baptist Convention was so wonderful and allowed to stay in a hotel within walking distance of the convention center. I was staying with my friend Krystyne, but I was determined to get some Mike's Ice Cream before going back to Haiti. My favorite flavor is birthday cake! They close at midnight, and it was getting awfully close to that hour, so we literally RAN part of the way. If you know me at all, you probably know that I'm not much of a runner. That night I totally was. I was leading the pack and running my heart out to get to that wonderful birthday cake milkshake. We got there at 11:55 and asked the workers if it was any trouble for us to come in and order. They welcomed us with open arms and I got that delicious dessert I had been wanting.

After gulping my milkshake, we headed to another hotel to visit some friends from Parsons, Tennessee. We are all friends from Super Summer Camp. I never get to see any of those people (probably because I live a plane ride away), so I was extremely excited to visit with them and see how God was blessing them. We stayed for a little while, but after two noise complaints, we decided to jet. We went back to our hotel and all hung out for another 30 minutes or so. We were all zonked, but it's not often that we get to see each other for extended periods of time, so it was worth the tiredness.

A group of us with the Super Summer sign
L to R: Jande, Jamie, Maci, Adam, Jared, Adam, me

Saturday morning we got up early and got ready for another full day. The speaker this time around was Derwin Gray. Derwin used to play professional football, but gave up that life to pursue Christ, and is now a preacher. He is a very emotional speaker, and really affected many of the students with his sermon. He also spoke on giving up everything to pursue Christ. I really related to both speaker's messages and was convicted once again that I need to give up EVERYTHING and pursue Christ with all that I have.

We ate lunch. I greeted again. I definitely think I should persue greeting. Wal-mart won't know what him 'em when I step in the spot! It was a beautiful day outside so we layed around outside and talked with strangers. I really enjoyed my time just relaxing and enjoying the weather. After all the sessions were finished and we packed up what we could, the TBC was gracious enough to take us to Pie in the Sky pizzeria. I really enjoyed the greasy mess of pizza and the fellowship with all of the workers.

After eating we headed out to laser quest for a fun night. I am TERRIBLE, and I mean TERRIBLE. But I still had a wonderful time. We arranged a "girls alliance" and we tried to dominate. We failed. We were all terrible every time. But that's half of the fun.

I said my almost tearful goodbye to the friends I love so dearly and headed home to back for my last round in Haiti. I was eager to get back, but I haven't had such a hard time saying good-bye as I did this time.

It's Coming To A Close

2011-03-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

Spring Break, that is.

Thursday I got to see one of my very best friends, Brittany Carter. Since she is a big girl, and has a big girl job, we squeezed in a lunch date to catch up on life. It's so encouraging to see how the Lord is working in her and her husband's lives. They are very involved in their church, and God is completely blessing their marriage for being faithful. I'm excited for the day when I can fully invest in their lives and hopefully be a blessing to them. We ate at a whole foods, which was a new experience for me.

Short tangent: Ever since living in Haiti, my views on organic foods and eating "clean" have changed a great deal. I try to eat mostly organic while I'm here, and I have never felt better in my life. I have hardly been sick, except for the amount of bugs that I've ingested, and I just feel wonderful. I know that eating organic costs more, but I really have seen the benefits of it. Not only do I want to eat organic, but I've realized how important it is to truly "go green." I'm really working at jotting down my views and how I want my life to look as far as organic and going green. If you have any advice on how to do either of these things, holler at your girl!

So after lunch I went downtown to help set up things before the youth evangelism conference that was happening that weekend. I got there and automatically got put to work. I visited for a few minutes, then started sorting t-shirts for the several t-shirt tables. I then had the privilege of putting these awesome t-shirts on fake bodies and hanging them up for people to purchase. Sounds super boring, but I got to do this with a bunch of my friends. We made it super fun, and finished surprisingly quick.

As a nice little treat, Kent, the guy who runs YEC/pastor of Hope Fellowship, took some of us to Chili's for dinner. Since I was going to dinner with my family that night, I didn't actually eat, but really loved getting to bond with some of my friends. We had a really wonderful dinner topped off with an amazing molten lava cake. We ordered one normal one and one with peanut butter on the inside. It was probably the best dessert I've had in a long time. The peanut butter one tasted like a melted Reece's Cup! Every time I tried to take a bite, Jared would literally hit my spoon and steal my bite. I would perfectly concoct my bite, then he would jack it. You think I would learn after the first 3 times it happened, but I was convinced that I would get to eat that marvelous piece of cake. I got maybe two bites. But those two bites were fantastic!

I rode with Jared to Chili's, so before he took me back to my car, he, Justin and I went to the bookstore. I didn't really know Justin, so it was fun getting to know him and us all goofing around in the store. While we were walking back to the car, the boys decided last minute to carry me across the pedestrian walkway. We gave a lot of people a lot of laughs because not only were they carrying me, but Justin is somewhere around 6'3" and Jared is probably 5'10". So I was lopsided being carried across a busy intersection, giving everyone a pretty good laugh.

I finally got to my car, and drove to meet my family for my last dinner before I went back. My sister was literally about to pop, and I wanted to see her husband's parents before I came back to Haiti. We went to my favorite Hibachi Japanese place, Kabuto. What I'm about to say might completely shock you! I ate SUSHI! And what is even more surprising is that I LIKED IT! I had a bite of a Tennessee role, which technically is deep fried, but it still tasted wonderful. I had a little gag reflex because I realized that I was eating sushi. But thats not even the start of it. After my sushi tasting adventure, I ATE SHRIMP! And I LOVED IT! I've been missing out on the wonderfulness of these foods, but since living in Haiti, I've branched out and started eating so much more of a variety. It was so good to sit around and talk to my very preggo sister, her husband and his family. I really do love my family, and I'm thankful for every time I get to see them.

Family Dinner

My next blog is going to be my favorite one. I can't wait to share with you what God did at the Youth Evangelism Conference!

Wednesday, Wednesday

2011-03-17T11:13:00.001-07:00

After taking the GRE and being absolutely elated, I headed to Smryna to have coffee with my good friend Jared. I have known Jared for several years, but we have just now gotten closer through this year. I knew that God was doing amazing things in his life, and I was really excited to talk to him about all of it. We talked for a couple of hours about all of the wonderful things happening in his life, along with the church his family has planted, Hope Fellowship. I'm really thankful that God has put people like him in my life to encourage me and remind me that He is in control, not me.

After grabbing coffee with Jared, I raced to Green Hills to have dinner with a college friend, Kaitlin. I saw Kaitlin at Christmastime, but wasn't able to really sit down with her, so I wanted to make sure we got to sit and have a good conversation. She told me all about her new job and other new things that were happening in her life. We even talked about the possibility of living together at some point if our paths crossed. She is such a great encouragement, and I really enjoyed just hanging out with her.

Wednesday night, I surprised the youth at Inglewood by showing up. I was a little late, but it was so awesome to worship with that group of kids. I really miss being there for their lives. I think the hardest part is getting a text message from a girl that I've mentored for 5 years saying, "you've missed so much." My heart totally broke for her because I know that she is going through so much and I'm not there to be with her. I know that she understands what I'm doing here, but it is still so hard to know that she has a lot going on and I'm missing a lot. She also informed me that I'm missing her graduation, and I think she was upset, but she will understand at some point.

After church, I had dinner with my pastor and his wife and kids. I really love their encouragement and words of wisdom they lay over me every time we meet. I'm really excited about what God is doing in their lives, and I'm so thankful for their support of my ministry.

Wednesday was super jam packed, but I loved every second of it. God was truly blessing me throughout this trip, and I'm so thankful for all of the incredible people he put in my life to be with me.

More later :)

A New Sister in Christ

2011-03-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

Today has been such a wonderful day. Physically, I feel like crap. I have some form of a head cold that will NOT go away. Lots of coughing and random hiccups. In spite of all of that, it has still been an amazing day!

"Now Kristina, what part of that is amazing?" A precious seventh grader who I have spent a whole lot of time with accepted Christ today! We had chapel this morning, and the message was fantastic. The speaker talked about knowing about Christ, but never realizing LOVING Christ.

She ran up to me after chapel and said "I need to tell you something! I just accepted Christ! I'm a Christian!" She started crying, and I knew that something had transformed in her heart. God finally got through to her and she began to understand loving Christ, not just going through the motions of being a good person.

I hugged her and told her I was so excited for her. She has had so many seeds planted in her life from various people, and it is so exciting to see her finally wanting to walk in his ways.

Pray with me for her. I don't want to say her name because she hasn't quite had time to tell her family, but she has the potential to be an incredible woman of Christ. Let's bathe her in prayer as she starts this new walk.

More Spring Break goodness

2011-03-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

Monday of spring break I ate at Pei Wei, one of my favorite oriental places, with one of my best friends from high school, Aubrey. Aubrey and I had lost touch for a while, but we have recently started e-mailing and have rekindled our friendship. She is getting married in October and has asked me to be a part of that, and I am so excited. I can definitely see God working in her life, and I am so excited for our new friendship to continue growing. Aubrey and I in high school

Monday I also studied for the GRE. Well, I say study, but I really mean, look at the book, close my eyes, get distracted, look back at the book. It was really challenging for me to even have the motivation to study, but I did the best I could. Monday night, Adam and I decided to go to Margaritaville for some yummy dinner. It was good for just the two of us to hang out and talk and eat some extremely delicious food. It was my first trip to the restaurant in Nashville, and it was definitely worth it. I savored every bite and enjoyed the company of one of my best friends.

Adam and I

Tuesday rolled around and the pressure was on for me to study for the GRE. I have always had really bad test anxiety, and this day my stomach was in my throat. I was terrified of failure, so I spent most of the day trying to cram in as much information as possible. I knew I was going out to dinner that night, so I studied as much as I could before getting ready to eat with an old friend. All of the mathmatic equations were becoming jumbled in my head, but I tried to be as prepared as possible. I really wanted to relax that night and not think about anything, and that was an absolute answer to prayer. I met Nathan my freshman year of college at the Baptist Collegiate Ministry. We became friends in Chicago while we were serving on a mission trip there. We had lost touch after he graduated college, but decided to meet up and talk about life. We went to California Pizza Kitchen and ate some delicious pizza while telling each other about of journey of life. It was really wonderful to see how God was using him. Nathan and I in Chicago

Wednesday was the big day. I had studied as much as possible, and now it was go time. I left really early to get to my test, fearful of being late. They let me start my test a little early after filling out a lot of paperwork that said I would not cheat. I was expected to be at the testing center for 4.5 hours, but I decided to take no breaks and finish a little earlier. Surprisingly, it only took me about 3 hours to complete. As I was going through the questions, I really thought I had not done well. I knew that I needed an 800 to get into the grad school I want to attend. I'm closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and waited for my score to appear. 910. 910!!!!!!!!! That is the happiest news I could ever have gotten, well at least that day. I skipped out of the building, so proud of the score I had just received. The only way that I would've gotten that score is by God's grace. He is so good to me all the time, and I feel more affirmed that I am walking in the path He has laid out for me.

Oh, the perks of being a teacher..

2011-03-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

One of the best perks is that you get SPRING BREAK! I was so excited about spring break this year because it meant not only did I get to go home, but I was able to see God move through the lives of thousands of students at the Youth Evangelism Conference in Nashville. All the pictures I put on here are not from this break. Even though I took my camera almost everywhere I went, I somehow forgot to take a single picture.

I left Haiti at 5 pm on Friday, but a bunch of my students were on my flight, so I wasn't totally out of "teacher-mode" yet. Once we hit Miami, I was exhausted and was just ready to be home. I arrived in Nashville around 11 pm and went straight to Ihop with my mom, the two Adams, and Jared. They really are the cream of the crop when it comes to friends.

The Adam's and Jared when I came back in December!

Saturday I slept in late, and watched tons of Glee! I have missed watching that show, and it was really the only one that I wanted to see (you can go ahead and bash me for watching stupid tv shows, it's ok). I took one of the longest, hottest showers of my life and really rejoiced in the fact that I was sleeping on a real bed. The littlest things remind me so much of God's love for me. After being lazy and enjoying the luxuries of life, I got ready and went over to visit one of my best friends, Kellye. We had already decided to hit the town that night, but I wanted to spend some time with her before we were surrounded by tons of people. We ended up going to eat with my friends Michelle and Whitney, then we headed downtown for my favorite ice cream on the planet. We then went to see a local band play where a couple of other friends met up with us. I felt like I was truly living the "Nashville life" that night, being surrounded by southern accents and country music.

Kellye and I at her bachelorette party!

Michelle and I when she visited Haiti in February

Sunday morning I decided to go to a new church, Hope Fellowship. They have only been meeting for three Sundays, but I had been attending their home study meetings in the Summer. I really wanted to see how God was working in this church, and I can tell you that He is! I'm so excited for all the exciting things that are happening in this life of this church, and I'm even more excited that I get to see it happen! I was put on the spot to share a little about Haiti. I was so nervous, but really just asked God to speak through me and put something on my heart to share that might allow them to see a little bit of what He's doing here. It's so hard to summarize Haiti in any length. It would take me days upon days to truly explain everything that is Haiti. The sermon was fantastic, and the community there was so wonderful. I truly felt that these people that didn't even really know me, loved me, and that was the best feeling in the world.

Sunday afternoon I wanted to spend some time with my sister. I can't remember if I have mentioned this on the blog, but I am going to be an aunt, so I wanted to spend some time with her before the big day. I was praying that it would happen, while I was home, but instead, she is having little Kailee Ann tomorrow morning in a scheduled c-section. We went to lunch at Olive Garden and just sat around and talked for the rest of the day. It was great to hear her thoughts and tell her a little bit about Haiti. I miss getting to see her all the time and talking to her about anything and everything.

My sister, me, and her husband at dinner

Sunday night we decided to have an impromptu game night. There ended up being a lot of people there (several who I didn't know), but it ended up being one of my favorite nights. We played signs (my absolute FAVORITE, mafia, and killer). I loved spending time with people my age and not having to be a responsible adult at that moment. I love being all grown up, but I needed to let loose and not be in "teacher mode" for a few days.

I'm going to space out my week at home because I don't want you to get bored with a ten page blog. I want to share with you all the cool things God showed me this week so I'll continue this crazy story tomorrow.

Homesick in Haiti

2011-02-26T14:58:00.000-08:00

Today I am feeling homesick. I know that in 6 short days, I will be back in Nashville, but today just sucks.

Today was my sister's baby shower. Not only have I missed pretty much her entire pregnancy, but I missed the shower today. I was supposed to be skyped in to the shower, but I haven't heard from anyone in the family today. Every ounce of me wishes I could just teleport myself to Nashville to be there for this occasion.

I know that what I'm doing here is what I am supposed to be doing, but right now, I am just wishing I could share in this occasion.

Isn't she the cutest little pregnant lady ever! At least I will get to meet Kailee while I'm home next week!

I whole heartedly believe that I'm in Haiti for a reason and God is doing awesome things. Even though I wish that I could be there with her, I'm excited for this week before Spring Break to pour into my students and be the best teacher and mentor that I can be.

Until next time...

Am I A Missionary?

2011-02-16T19:06:00.000-08:00

Am I a missionary? Yes, I am. But so are you. Say whaaaat? At least I think so and I hope so. The term missionary is such a weird term. What exactly is a missionary? I was talking to some friends the other day and we were talking about the term “missionary.” When I come back to the States, I want to continue to be a missionary. A missionary, in my opinion, is anyone that is actively sharing the Word of Christ.

I think that being a teacher makes it very easy to be a “missionary.” I encounter students every day that do not know the Lord. The interesting thing about my students is that they are surrounded by poverty everywhere they turn, and many of them are apathetic to that. A lot of the students do not realize how well off they are and how big of a problem the poverty is.

It is super ironic that I started blogging about this earlier because today at Bible study we talked about money. We read in James 5 where it talks about the wealthy. I keep thinking about my life in the States. What do I want my life to look like when I get back? I live SO cheaply here. I don’t worry about cable, I don’t spend much money on food, and other things that are “necessities” in the States have no value here. I really love the simplicity of it all, but I know that once I get back to America, things will change drastically. I would like to say that I’m going to try to maintain the same type of lifestyle that I live in Haiti once I get to America, but I know myself. Friends want to eat out. Friends want to go see movies. Friends want to do things other than sit in the apartment and watch DVD’s that we’ve seen a million times.

I need to be praying more. For my lifestyle, for my students, for my friends. I want all of us to realize that money is something that is here today, and gone tomorrow. Success does not equal happiness. It is my mission to be a missionary at all times. Whether I am living among the poor, the rich or the in between, I need to be sharing Christ will everyone, all the time. I need to love the unlovable. I need to be with the poor. I need to show my students that there is more to life than being rich.

Some days being a missionary is hard. But isn’t that the same way for all believers? I never want to be content and comfortable, because I want to be taken out of my comfort zone and given opportunities to share Christ at every opening.

I feel like I just needed to share all of that. I challenge all of us to be missionaries all the time.

In other news, today is Melissa Hope’s first birthday! I cannot believe that she is one year old today! Although she still looks like a 6 month old, she is growing like a weed. Jenny, the lady adopting Melissa, flew down to be with Melissa on this special day. It truly broke my heart that I could not be there celebrating with her, but Jenny is so gracious and Skyped with me this evening so I could see her on her very special day.

This Friday, we have another basketball game. This is our third one of the “season.” We are currently undefeated. Here are some pictures from our last game versus our rival, Union School.

Some of my awesome sophomore girls

Another sophomore student of mine shooting free throws

Team huddle on a time-out

Final score! Go Eagles!

Also on Friday, I am meeting up with these lovely ladies for our discipleship time. Our time together has been really good, but I really feel like they could open up a lot more. They are such incredible girls, and I know that God is going to do amazing things through these girls. It is so wonderful to get out of “teacher-mode” and hang out with these girls on a more “friend” basis. They are all relatively closed off when we join in small group, but I’m really hoping they come out of their shells. Two of the girls have really opened up to me. One girl seems to be somewhat angry with God. She doesn’t understand why the earthquake happened and why Haiti is the way it is. She believes that God is punishing the country and sometimes the answers are so hard to find. I feel like she is having a major transformation in her heart, and I’m really excited to see where that leads.

My discipleship group: Maika, Taressa, Lorena, Paige, Celine, Alexandra, Claudia, Myrlene

My sophomore girl's class. Somehow this is the only class I got a picture of.

This blog is a lot heavier than I originally thought, so I’m going to end on a light note that makes me very happy. Vols won! So glad my boys got it together and finally pulled out a win!

Until next time,
Kristina

Party in the Moulin Sur Mer!

2011-02-11T11:46:00.000-08:00

Staff Retreat. Beach. One whole weekend. All you can eat buffet.

Those are my favorite phrases right now. I keep reliving last weekend in my mind, over and over again. We live in such a dirty place. Port-au-Prince is known for its trash and its smell. The weekend getaway was exactly what I needed to refresh.

We ate a lot, we swam a lot, and tanned a lot. We also got together to worship and sing to our Savior. After singing to our Savior, and learning more about Him, we were able to enjoy his creation.

Every morning, I woke up saying, this is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

The water was so fantastic. Since we live close to the equator, the sun blazes down, and there is nothing more fantastic then jumping in the ocean to be refreshed. God really blessed me to be able to relax and hang out. I spent a lot of time with the girls and got to know several of them more personally. It is so important to me to have super good friends and be able to express what is going on in my life. This weekend definitely allowed me to know the girls better and talk on a more personal basis.

Who knew, there ARE ducks in Haiti!

The water was beautiful!

Defense, Eagles! Defense!

2011-02-08T19:23:00.001-08:00

Quisqueya Christian School had their first boys basketball game of the season a little over a week ago. If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE basketball. A small piece of me is dying inside as I write this because UT is playing Kentucky, and I'm not able to watch it.

Now, QCS is definitely not college-level ball, but it was so great to watch the boys play and really put their whole heart into it. Carl, Jonathan, Israel, Ramih and Kevin started off the game. We played MorningStar Academy (I think), and they had several fans show up to support them. There was even one crazy lady in a white shirt and jeggings that LOVED to dance. I think she was probably talking some "smack" too, but their team was constantly down by at least 10 points. I really wanted to shout my favorite UT insult, "You're ugly!" but I figured that might not be appropriate for a high school basketball game.

Crazy lady in white shirt and jeggings. She spent most of her time dancing it up.

Coach McMahan watches the Eagles from the sideline

The boys played so great! Most of the boys on the team are in one of my English classes, so it was so great to support them as they took their team to victory. Although we were constantly up by an insane amount of points, it still felt as though it was a close game. That might be because their fans were constantly cheering, giving their guys more motivation to score.

Final Score: QCS 57, MorningStar 37
Total Domination.

MVP of the game, in my opinion, would go to Jonathan. He scored 21 points and really displayed awesome leadership skills for his team. The students decked out in the purple in yellow to support their classmates. I even decided to show some school spirit and put on the colors that I have grown to love.

Cristina and Kathryn, sophomore girls, paint up to support their school

I haven't rooted for a high school team since ole' faithful DA, but the Eagles are soaring into a special place in my heart.

Go Eagles!

QCS plays Union School this Friday. Union is our biggest rival in all of Haiti (and one of the only teams we play) so hopefully we will be able to pull out another win and watch our arch enemy lose once again!

Also, I've decided to start being "pen pals" with some people. I find e-mails to be much more significant, and I'm able to learn about the lives of others and share things that I sometimes don't share on my blog. If you interested in being a "pen pal" just comment with your email address, or shoot me an email at kristinabirkhead@gmail.com. I would love to share more of this journey with you!

>K

Special Prayer Request

2011-02-01T16:20:00.000-08:00

Hey friends,

Today has been a rough day. I am so frustrated with so many things, and today brought out the worst in me.

My first class was good. We had a quiz and I thought they would all ace it. I graded them. Maybe one person passed. Am I teaching it wrong or are they just not studying? Obviously, something is wrong, so tomorrow we are going to hound it out. These kids WILL understand quadratic equations!

Then my second class. 10th grade boys. They are a hard age group to handle. They are young, and they are boys.

Then another lump was thrown in my day. I found out that I going to have not one, but TWO new students within the next two weeks. I really wish I could just excuse them from the first month of school, but that won't help them for the final exam. So, I have to catch up these students on everything that we have done. I'm excited about the new students, but really frustrated with the amount of work they have to be caught up on.

But with all those frustrations, there is a much more pressing issue. A freshman girl has been sick this year. She fainted last semester and after having a lot of tests found out that she has epilepsy. She has not seized at school until today. Everyone started running to where she was and after ushering them all away to get them to go to class, I found her there, seizing. Luckily, the math teacher was holding her head so that she didn't get a concussion. The other English teacher was there to help as well. Luckily, her mom was on the school's campus for a meeting and was able to quickly get her to the hospital.

This girl is such a sweet person, and I'm begging you to join me in prayer for her. Many of her friends were so concerned about her, and you can tell she is loved by all. Mentally, her brain is tricking her and she needs so much prayer. Her medicine often makes her do and say things that she may regret in the long run. So please, please, join me in prayer for this sweet, sweet girl.

My New Apartment!

2011-01-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned before, I moved! I'm now living on the school's campus! Goodbye waking up at 5:00 am, hello 6:30! I also get to hang out with the other teachers more often. Friday night I went with a group to Chez Wou, the Haitian-Chinese restaurant. Saturday I went to the beach and marveled at God's creation. The tan didn't hurt either. I'm really enjoying being on campus and sleeping in and hanging out with friends.

So when you see these pictures of my new place, just know that I am so excited to be living here. Although it looks like a prison cell and isn't decorated at all, I am still enjoying every bit of it. So before you say "gross" or "ew! What are you thinking?" just know that I know it has a lot of fixing up to do, but getting to be with friends is worth it.

Kitchen Area

My Bedroom Without The Bed

Bathroom sink with nice hole in the wall. The toilet is around that corner, and the shower is just to the right.

The Living Room

Movin' On Up!

2011-01-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

I'm FINALLY moving tomorrow!! I found out right before I left that I would be moving onto the school's campus. I've been back for almost 3 weeks, and I am just now finally getting to move, and boy am I excited!

Reasons:
1) I get to hang out with this girl more often.
And her hubby, and the Hendricks and the Kilpatricks and all the other fun people that live on campus. I'm so excited to be surrounded by people that are dealing with a lot of the same things that I am dealing with. First year teaching in a foreign country where you know hardly anyone. I can't wait to share in our experiences as we go through this journey together.

2) I no longer have to spend up to 3 hours per day in a car. Make that a bumpy car. Today on the ride home I was thinking that the car ride very much seems like an uncomfortable roller coaster, except there is no fun drop to get your adrenaline going. You only get the uncomfortable bouncing around.

3) More time to build relationships with students. Since I will live a mere 50 steps away from my classroom, I won't have to worry about rushing to get home, or keeping the driver waiting while I finish a conversation. Better relationships means hopefully more opportunities to share the gospel, which I am STOKED about!

I'm sure there are other reasons, but my head is clouded with excitement of finally being there.

In other news: Yesterday I posted about hoping for a smile from ear to ear on my "how do I feel picture of the day." I'm not going say anything about it, I'm just going to post it and you can see for yourself.

>KB

This is why I love my job!

2011-01-18T17:27:00.000-08:00

Some days I wonder why I am a teacher. I feel as if I am not reaching any students and really wonder if my ministry is worth while.

Then I have days like yesterday. I have been so sick lately, and my classes have not been too exciting. I still tutor after school, so yesterday, I was helping a student with some homework, but the conversation was turned quickly. There were two students in the lab, Adam and George (names have been changed). Adam is one of my students and I simply asked him, "How's life." He began to tell me how he was not happy and how he wanted to go back to Miami and go to school there. George chimed in and also told me how Miami was the "best time of his life." I was so curious as to why Miami was all that, and George replied... I was popular and I could get any girl I wanted.

I stopped for a minute. George is 16 and he's already talking about "getting girls." Still curious, I pushed him a little further. "So girl's is what made you so happy in Miami?" I asked. "Of course not Miss, I had football too!" Aha, girls and football. George starts talking about how he is a "playa" and can get any girl he wants. Me, being a female, and having been "played" before, I kept listening, but deep inside wanted to smack him silly for the things he was saying. I asked him why he thought it was ok to be a player. He couldn't really give me an answer.

The conversation kept going. Adam said he was more of a "one woman man" (sweet George Jones song, right?!) and he was still a virgin. George kinda rolled his eyes. He explained sex to me in this way... It's like ice cream, you can't just try vanilla and say that vanilla is your favorite, you have to try chocolate, strawberry, and all the other kinds before you can decide what your favorite is. This led to a whole other discussion. I simply asked him if he would marry a girl that had slept with a bunch of different guys because she was "trying out flavors." He automatically replied, "of course not!" So there I sat, dumbfounded. He is allowed to "try out flavors", but won't go near a girl that has had sex.

So I pushed further. I wasn't sure where either of these boys stood religiously, but they both responded that they were "Christian." I asked where that fit into the dating scene. Both replied that it really didn't. We continued talking, but I had this huge tug deep inside of me to share the gospel and tell them of God's grace. All I needed was an opportunity.

As we were talking, his viewpoint started to change. After telling them a little about my dating history, and telling George he needed to respect women and not just "play" them, his attitude started to change. He almost felt remorse for already having "messed up." Ding ding ding!!! Perfect opportunity! God really laid on my heart to tell George God's truth's. I told him about God's grace and that even when we mess up, He still loves us and he washes away all the sin so that we can start anew. He still loves us, regardless of what we have done. He won't forsake us or leave us. George's eyes lit up and it was almost like he had never heard it before. He looked me dead in the eye and said, I can't promise, but I want to do better. I want to try to wait to have sex until I get married.

This is why I know that I'm here for a reason. God gave me that opportunity to share His truths and one students eyes were opened. I don't know how God will grow this young man, but I know that a seed was planted in his heart. I'm going to have more conversations with this young man and try to really hold him accountable to what he said to me.

Whoever says that rich kids don't need ministering to was wrong. These kids need Jesus and to know God's truths just as much as the orphans. God has given me such a unique position to minister to the kids that will have power in this country, and even though the conversation started off about how "playas are gon' play" God still allowed His truth's to be shown, and that is something that I will always remember.

News on my sickness:

My fever came back yesterday, but I have had no fever today. As the day went on, I felt better and better. I'm hoping tomorrow I feel like a brand new woman. Here is my picture progression of how I've felt the past two days.

Yesterday, when my fever had returned. Who wears a sweatshirt in 90 degree weather?!

Today: a little better, but still not feeling great.

Hopefully tomorrow's picture will be of me smiling ear to ear with no symptoms at all. Hey, a girl can dream!

>K

This is my complaining blog

2011-01-15T11:21:00.000-08:00

Today I am sick. Yesterday I was sick. The day before that, you guessed it.. I was sick. I have had a fever for three days. It's really strange being in 90 degree weather, yet feeling like a Popsicle.

Yesterday at school was one of those days when I really didn't feel like teaching. I just wanted to lay my head down and cry because I felt so terrible. I was feverish, had a really bad headache, and my tummy was even hurting. Along with a deep dough, I felt awful. Luckily at school, it was in class worksheet day. I simply gave them the worksheet, then if they had questions, they could come and ask me. It was a rough teaching day.

When I got home I immediately went to bed. I put in a movie and slept off and on until 7 this morning. My fever has gone down, but I still feel as if I was hit by a bus. My whole body aches. Every part of me wishes someone was here to take care of me. To make me food and care for me. That part of growing up stinks.

Mix feeling bad with a couple of rambunctious kids and you have what I have right now. A monstrous fever, while trying to keep tabs on a 4 year old that doesn't speak English.

Plus I look like this..

Thanks for reading my complaints. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a much better day.

>KB

Google Translate is Saving My Life

2011-01-09T05:16:00.000-08:00

My head and my heart are so full right now. Pardon me if this post is a bit all over the place, but I really need to express what is going on right now.

I know Haiti is hard. My last four months here helped me learn that, but now I feel as if I am in a place that I can't even begin to explain. But I want to try. I know that when I make it through this, God is going to get so much glory.

Things in Haiti started off perfectly. I got back to school and started to teach. I came in feeling way more confident than I did last semester. The kids were more attentive, and really seemed excited about starting the semester. I found out that I wouldn't get to move to campus for at least a week, but I was excited about that opportunity and I began preparing myself for when I was to move in.

Things were going just how I liked them. Easy. But easy is not how God has intended me to live. God likes to throw wrenches in my path. Wrench #1: Melissa Hope. Wrench #2: a full-time teaching job.

I guess I was delusional, but I thought that God would make this time around 10x easier. But I know that with hard times, God is going to get more glory that what I can even imagine. I am praising Him for putting me here and for giving me the opportunity to serve so many kids.

So that's where I come to now. This is going to be an emotional week because today is the 1 year anniversary of the January 12th earthquake. Many of my students lost parents, loved ones, and all their belongings. We had a memorial service at school yesterday where many students were weeping over lost friends, neighbors, and family members. I can't imagine what these kids have seen and heard. I remember hearing on the news about the country that stole my heart. Living here has given me a new perspective on a lot of things, including loss. My heart is so heavy for the Haitian people.

My heart is heavy for my family. My great uncle, Doyle, passed away on Sunday morning. If you have known me for any amount of time, you know that death is no friend of mine. I can't even explain how much death I have encountered in my life, and it has made any death encounter so much harder for me. I really miss uncle Doyle. I remember so much about him from when I was younger. The main thing I keep remembering is what he said to me over Christmas break. I begged and begged my parents for us to find just a few minutes to go see him. He had congestive heart failure and has been sick for a long time, so I wanted to take every chance I got to see him and tell him I love him. I didn't expect what he said to me. He looked at me and said that he had his wife read him my blog and he was proud of me and loved hearing about what I was doing. He said he knew God was working in the lives of many. What a great encouragement! I never would have thought that he would've read my blog. My heart was so full and I was so excited that I he said those things to me.

The day after I got back in Haiti, I received word that he wasn't doing too well. A few days after that my mom prepared me by saying that this may be it. Hospice had moved into his house and they weren't expecting him to live much longer. I prayed and prayed and prayed, but my prayers were different than most times. I was praying for God's will. I didn't pray that he would be spared, I didn't pray that he would live a much longer life. I simply prayed that whatever would bring God the most glory would be done. As much as I wanted him to live, I knew that God was in the center of it and that if he left, he would be in Heaven with our father.

As much as I prayed that, when Sunday morning came around and I found out he passed, my heart was broken. I wanted to be with family. I wanted to hug my aunts and uncles and especially my grandmother. I wept, I cried, I called my mom, but after all my tears were drained, I simply had to say, It is well with my soul. There has been something comforting about being here while this is happening. I feel like God is truly in my presence and I am trusting him to get me through these difficult times.

The Haitian government is in a state of turmoil. The election process is one that I cannot even understand. There is so much hear-say in Haiti that it is hard to tell what is real and what is not. There have been a lot of reports saying things are about to get bad again, but I really have no clue. All I know is that God is in control. My heart is heavy for the Haitian government.

Imagine this: a small, 2 year old boy. Head misshapen from being beat into a wall. Scars all over his body from being hit with different objects. Memories of scrubbing the bathroom floor since he was able to crawl. A fearful face at all times. You've just imagined Junior. Junior is now 4 years old. He has been in an orphanage since he was 3 after being severely beaten my his aunt and other family members. No one knows where the scars came from, or the extent of his abuse. The orphanage he was staying at was an all boys orphanage, and he was the youngest there. There were many older boys staying at the orphanage, and no one really knows how he was treated there. This orphanage is going through a process of trying to get some of the older boys out, and it is possible that the entire operation might be shut down. A lady close to the orphanage and very close to Junior asked us if we would take him in so that he would not be sent back to his aunt. So Saturday evening, we went and picked him up. He speaks absolutely no English and tends to have a hitting problem. This is where google translate is saving my life. He was terrified when he got back to our house. The best place for him to be was in my room on the futon so he could stretch out but still be near someone. After he went to bed I started studying Creole phrases that might come in handy with a four year old. My Creole is now so much better than it was even one week ago. I am starting to communicate better with him and we are doing much better. It's amazing to watch him sleep so peacefully and play so much. It makes me wonder what is going through his brain. He went from being abused to being treated like a prince. I'm so blessed to be a part of this and watch him grow. I'm not a fan of getting up 4 times through the night to take him to the bathroom, but I wouldn't trade it for anything right now. It almost makes me cry when he comes up to me and says "I love you, Kristina." That's the only English phrase he knows and I love hearing it.

Going home - the place I no longer belong

2011-01-06T16:17:00.000-08:00

I apologize that I haven't blogged since before I left for break. Things were so crazy that week before I went to the States, and once in the States, I was go go go until the day I flew out.

Going home was a bit weird. The minute I flew into Miami, I knew that my heart was not with me any more. I had been warned by so many friends that it might be strange coming back to America after living in a third world country for so long. The injustice is great, and life is so incredibly different. They were right. I felt so wrong being in America. I felt bad that I left the life I had been living and was not amidst a group of people that didn't really care and couldn't understand what I was going through.

I was so excited to see my friends, and the reunion that we had was so great. They understood more of what I was going through than most, but I still felt myself being down. I wanted to come back. I craved teaching. I longed for the Haitian people.

But I made the most of my time at home. The day after I flew in I met with my best friend and her husband for lunch, then made the long trek to Houston, Missouri to visit family. It was a great weekend with family, but all I could think about was what I had seen in Haiti. I didn't have much to talk about unless someone asked me about Haiti. I've never been one to not have much to say, but I found myself at a loss for words. I wanted to explain everything God was doing, and how awesome my time was, and how I struggled hard, but was pulled through by God's grace... but I didn't get that chance. I was still processing my head and my heart, and silence became a good friend of mine.

I got to see old friends, slightly newer friends, and everyone I could pack in to two weeks. I have never felt so encouraged and loved that I do right now.

A few of my favorite visits..

Of course seeing my two best guy friends, the Adams (the tripod), was awesome. They came to the airport with a big sign and flowers. We had so many fun times of eating and playing Wii. They are so awesome, and I can't wait to spend more time with them!

I got to visit with an old friend named Stephen's mom. She has been in my life for so many years and has loved me through it all. She was such a huge encouragement to me and really blessed me with her words. Her youngest son Michael is a little brother to me, so to sit and talk with the family really encouraged me.

I went to Knoxville to see a Vol's basketball game and I saw so many old friends! It was so wonderful to feel like a college student again and be able to sit court side and watch my team! They lost, but it was still wonderful to be in that atmosphere once again.

As much fun as I had with those friends, it doesn't take away the fact that my heart is in this country. I was so ready to be back here and get back to my ministry here with these kids that I love so dearly. I have twice as many students as I did in the fall, so I'm excited about making relationships and getting to know these students.

Thank you so much for your prayers and constant support. They mean more than you know.

>K

4 Months Later

2010-12-10T16:27:00.000-08:00

You would think that will all this free time I have had for the past six days, I would blog more. I guess it is a mix of laziness and not having anything to say. I have sat silently for days in a row trying to figure out what is happening in this country that I love so much.

Even now as I sit here typing, I have no idea what to say. Four months ago, I came to Haiti to start a journey. A journey of growth, a journey of adventure, a journey to find the Lord and serve Him better. I got more growth, adventure, and service than I bargained for. I really didn't know what to expect coming here, but what I got was different than anything I could have ever imagined.

It started out with a bang. We went to the orphanage, the clinic, and even did a mobile clinic. I fell in love with 2 kids at the orphanage, and really enjoyed helping in medicine. The next 2 weeks that went by were slow, and I wasn't sure that what I was doing here was productive. I now see that God was preparing me for the adventure that He was about to take me on. He wanted me to be still and read His word, pray, and spend genuine time with Him before I jumped into the deep end of what the last four months have been about.

First came the job. Never in a million years would I have thought that I, Kristina Birkhead, would be 1) a teacher or 2) an English teacher. God has really blessed me in this job. I have seen so many awesome people and have had some of the best conversations I could ever dream of. One in particular that I want to tell you about is a Junior boy. This kid is loud and obnoxious. When I first met him, I was afraid to have him in my class. I really wasn't sure how I was going to control his loud self and get things done. He is one of the "popular" kids at school, and he comes from a wealthy family. I automatically placed a stereotype on him and thought that he probably couldn't care less about the gospel, but I want to be Christ to him. I want him to see God's love, because he can change a lot of lives. In class one day we were talking about the Cholera epidemic. He said, in front of everyone, that he didn't want to go on the streets or talk to anyone on the streets because they could have Cholera and he didn't want to catch it. I talked to him after class that day and asked him how we were to share God's love if we weren't willing to meet them where they were, Cholera and all. He kind of brushed me off, so I didn't really pursue any more talks with him until I thought maybe he would be more responsive. A week later, we had Current Event Friday, where the students bring in a current news article and share with the class. He decided to share on Cholera, and his attitude had totally changed. He was asking everyone to support him by wanting to reach out to those in need, and getting hydration packs together. He truly is a leader in his class, and I could see the students warming up to what he was saying. I was shocked and surprised and knew that God was really working on his heart.

Later in the semester, we were in our "study hall". This class is 3 students and me. One of the students was absent this particular day so it was the two students and myself. He started asking me questions on what I believed and what was important to me, and he really opened up and told me how important his faith was to him. He began to share how his parents really supported him in his faith and he began to tell me how God was working in his life. I asked him why he never shared with his classmates and he simply said that "they don't want to hear it." My heart broke. I began to share that it only takes one person to spark something in someone's life. I remember at my high school that it took one football player standing up in chapel to change my entire grade. I have seen a difference in him. He has been nicer to others around him and more vocal about what he truly believes. I think he is scared to lose his popularity, but he is starting to see that there is more to life than popularity. I have started tutoring him in algebra and so I am really getting the chance to invest in his life and hopefully others around him will see something incredible about his life. He really can change this school, and I know that God is going to use him in a mighty mighty way.

Another cool thing that has happened while working at the school is my discipleship group. I was randomly assigned six girls: Maika, Lorena, Claudia, Taressa, Alexandra, and Celine. I knew three of these girls before the group started, but I was excited to see a different side of them. We started looking at the book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, but most of the time we spent a lot of time praying and listening to songs. Worship songs have been a huge part of my life, and I really wanted these girls to experience a little bit of that. One of the first things I was faced with in this group was "why does God punish Haiti so much? How much more can Haiti take?" Wow. I was speechless. I began to tell them that God has a reason for EVERYTHING, but often we don't see the reason until much later. We have to trust that God knows what He is doing, and we have to be patient for His timing. Two of them are headed to college next year, and they are both terrified. Two of them are Juniors, trying to find the balance of fitting in and sticking out. The last two are Sophomores, both dealing with forgiveness issues. Each girl is so unique and has been such a blessing. I pray for them daily, and I know that God can do amazing things with these girls lives, as battered and torn and crazy as they think they may be.

Lots of other cool things have happened at this school, and I am ecstatic to be coming back for the Spring semester. I am also going to be teaching more. I am teaching two sections of Grade 10 English literature, my same section of American Literature, a creative writing class, and a random Algebra 1 class. I'm really excited to see what God is going to do with the new relationships I will be forming.

The next big wrench that God threw at me was a little baby girl named Melissa Hope. This baby has changed my life forever. I will not lie, taking care of her might be the hardest thing I have ever done. I became a mom and a working mom all within two weeks. You can read back at my previous posts for more about the beginning of our story. Never in a trillion years would I have thought I would become a "mommy" at age 22. And to think, when I came down here, I really didn't like babies! There have been several "I can't do this anymore, I'm not equipped to be a mom!" moments, but I was quickly reminded that God didn't bring me this baby girl without knowing I could do it. I am happy to report to you that she is now 5 pounds heavier, and smiles constantly. God has really worked through this little girl's life, and I know that she is going to change so many lives. When I look at her, I can see Christ's love. When I look at what we've been through together, I'm reminded of God's grace. When I think I can't do it anymore he softly whispers in my ear, "Oh, beloved, you can do it. I am still here with you. Press on. Don't give up. I won't fail you. You CAN do it. I have equipped you with everything you need. Show her MY love." Wow. Ok, God. I was once again shown how little faith I have in HIM to get me through the tough times in life. He is always in control and won't forsake me or leave me, even when I'm caught up in the craziness of life.

Then cholera. Oh the cholera. I heard the other day that it will take 6 years to eradicate cholera from this country. So many have died, so many are sick, and hardly any are reported. The last thing this country needed was a disease strain. We have not been directly affected by it, but it is only supposed to get worse. I have resumed my "germ freak-ness" and we are prepared with hydration packs to serve those who are affected by the sickness.

And now elections. I don't even know what to say about these elections. I have never seen images so crazy. To think that the places I travel every single day are now destroyed by fire and broken glass. My mind is blown and I can't help but think why?! Why are these people doing this? Why is God allowing this country to go to shambles? There is my "little faith" again. He knows exactly what He is doing and He is going to get glory from all of this. I can't help but to be a little scared. We are safe on our hill, but we can't go down from the hill. Flights have been cancelled, lives destroyed, and I'm complaining about being bored. This country needs a leader who can turn this place around. I honestly can't tell you what is going to happen here in Haiti. Things were pretty calm today, but that means nothing for tomorrow. The people are angry in this country. They want justice. They want their voices to be heard. Is burning tires and tearing down signs going to bring that... no. So who knows what will happen to this country. All I can do is pray. I'm seeking God for comfort and for peace, because honestly, I'm scared for the Haitian people. My brain is on overload from the messages we have gotten. I'm trying to digest what is happening, and praying that God takes this and gets so much glory from it. I wish I had better news, and hopefully I will tomorrow.

Please pray for this country, and selfishly, pray that I get out on Wednesday. Airports are supposed to open on Tuesday, but we really don't know what the weekend has in store for us. I hope to blog again tomorrow saying that everything is normal and we can finally leave the mountaintop. I'm ready to be back in the valley.

Until next time...

Kristina

Haiti Happenings

2010-12-08T15:39:00.000-08:00

Late last night, the CEP (electoral board) announced the results of the election that took place last week. And the winners are...

Madame Manigat - 33%
Jude Celestin - 22.8%
Michel Martelley - 21.4%

If you don't remember these peeps, you can look back at my previous post about the elections.

So basically, they announced these results and everyone got extremely mad. A lot of people thought Martelley should at least be in the top two, if one the out right winner. Automatically riots broke out in the streets of Haiti.

I've heard that Martelley and Manigat are asking for a re-count of the votes. Martelley has said that he will not be in a run-off with Jude Celestin, so he is hoping that the re-count will show that he and Manigat are the top two.

Tires are burning, guns are being fired, people are peeing on posters. This is Haiti.

They have cancelled school for the rest of the week and American Airlines has cancelled all flights until at least Sunday.

It's crazy around here, but we are staying safe. We are up on a hill and staying in the house. I'll keep posting as we hear things, and hopefully I can post pictures soon!

Until then...

Christmas Bazaar

2010-12-04T13:41:00.000-08:00

The Christmas Bazaar is an event that QCS puts on every year to fund raise for every class. The middle schoolers had several games for small children. The freshman class had an incredible bounce house for everyone. The sophomore class decided to do a pie in the face booth. The ones getting pied in the face were other students and some teachers, me being a lucky winner. The juniors had a dunking booth. The seniors were in charge of snacks and lunch. They gave away a lot of prizes, and played a ton of Christmas music. A lot of local vendors came and sold their products. It was a great time, and each class raised a lot of money.

In case you didn't know, whipped cream smells TERRIBLE after it gets hot. I hope I never get creamed again. It was not a fun experience. Oh, the things I do for the Sophomore class at QCS. After they ran our of whipped cream, they started soaking a sponge in water and hitting it with me in the face. The sponge really didn't feel good, but I allowed them to do it for about 30 minutes.

The dreaded sponge!

Not looking too hot after all the whipped cream and water.

It's A Selection, Not An Election

2010-11-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

Selection, not election. But in reality, this election is no where near a selection. Accusations of fraud have been barreling through the city, which has caused uprising in this country.

So this is the way the elections work: Every voter has an ID card and a specific booth they are supposed to go to. However, many people lost their cards in the January earthquake. Digicel, one of the top cell phone carriers in Haiti, has stepped in and is allowing people to call a number to be told where to go. Pretty simple process.

So here's a who's who of the people I'll be talking about.

Preval - current president and part of the INITE party

Jude Celestin - Preval's son-in-law and one of the top contenders in this election. Endorsed by Preval and part of the INITE party

Madame Manigat - former first lady, and top contender in this election

Michel "sweet mickey" Martelly - very crude rapper and top contender in this election

So those are the important people. Elections in Haiti are usually not a very safe time. The roads are shut down from 8 pm Saturday night until 8 am Monday morning. No alcohol or gasoline is sold during that time either. In the past, many riots have broken out and many people killed.

This year seems to be no different. Saturday night, gunfire was opened at a rally for Martelly. No one was injured or killed, but it is believed to be an assassination attempt on Martelly. Today, three people have already been killed due to an accusation of fraud by the INITE party.

Celestin has been accused of having tons of ballots already filled out in his favor. Also, Preval is shutting down voting booths without the proper authority of doing so. Five of the candidates are holding a press conference today to talk about the fraud. If I spoke better Creole, then I would know what they are saying, but I'm relying on some friends to let me know what is happening.

Fraud is not the only problem being faced right now. Many voters cannot find their names on the list at the voting centers they are going to. So many people will probably not get to vote. One of the voting bureaus was vandalized this morning, and overtaken by thugs. Many voting centers are shutting down early because of all the violence that is happening. There are anti-Celestin and pro-Martelly riots by the airport. Everywhere you turn in this country, there is some form of violence or demonstration happening.

Now, Madame Manigat is asking that the elections be cancelled because of all the fraud. It would not be good for the country to go through this twice. With every election, there is going to be violence, but going through this twice will not be good.

This country is angry with Preval. After the January 12 earthquake, Preval ran. Nothing has been done to help this country. Many of the voters want a president that will help the people in the tent cities have permanent homes, and that will help rebuild this country. But, like most other leaders, the election is about power and money. The winner of the election gets over one billion dollars to help the country, but most of the candidates would pocket the money, and leave the people as they are.

This country needs a God-fearing leader. It doesn't appear that will happen this year, but I believe God can work through whoever is elected. This country needs prayer as the voters are casting their ballots. This country needs prayer for there to be an absence of violence.

Please pray for Haiti today. Prayer is a powerful, powerful tool, and this country needs it so so so much. I'll be updating twitter as I find out what is going on, so if you are interested, you can follow at twitter.com/sweetkristina10

I'll try to update again later.

Until then...

Thankful

2010-11-25T15:44:00.000-08:00

Since it is Thanksgiving, and I haven't blogged in a while, I want to devote this blog to some of the many things I am thankful for. This will not be a complete list, but just a few things.

1. Jesus - I am so thankful that my Savior came and died for me so that I can share His love with everyone around me. I am thankful that he looked upon me, a nasty sinner, and saw something worth dying for. I will spend the rest of my days on this Earth praising His name and spreading His love.

2. My awesome family - Even though I didn't get to share this Thanksgiving with them, I was there in Spirit and got to see their beautiful faces over Skype. I'm thankful that they support me even when I wanna do something crazy, like live in a 3rd world country.

3. The Tripod - Adam West and Adam Fox are two of my very best friends who support me and love me no matter what. I haven't seen them in over 3 months, yet they still talk to me all the time and take time out of their busy schedules to check on me.

4. My friends - I probably have the absolute best friends in the world. I know everyone says that, but really. Mine are awesome. They pray for me, love me, and post on my facebook wall just to see how I'm doing. It can be quite overwhelming to live in a 3rd world country with no friends or family, but mine make is so easy :)

5. America - I love that place. I love its grass, I love its trees, I love its restaurants.

5. Haiti : The country that has the other half of my heart. Although it can be so hard, it is such a blessing to see God moving in a country that is desperate for His love. I'm so glad that every Sunday morning, I get to sit with Haitians and Americans and sing praises to our God. Sometimes we sing in English, sometimes in Creole, but either way, we are worshipping the same God. I am also thankful that I have met some amazing friends in this country, both Haitian and American. They keep me sane when I feel like breaking down.

6. My students - I have such an incredible crop of students. I have eleven 11th graders, and 12 tenth graders. I LOVE my students. They can be difficult at times, but they bring me so much joy throughout the day. I have a unique opportunity with them. These kids are the future leaders of Haiti. They have the connections and the wealth to change the country around, and hardly any of them know it. Each day, I am blessed with the opportunity to share Christ with these kids and help them see what they can do for this country. I have already had so many awesome conversations, I look forward to tons more!

Ok.. these are my selfish ones that I shamelessly miss from America, but am ever so thankful for

Starbucks - I miss that beautiful coffee. You better believe that when I hit Miami, my lips will be tasting that goodness once again. I didn't realize how thankful I was for this franchise until I couldn't have it for 3 months.
Hot water - I am so thankful to get to take hot showers every now and then. Cold ones will do that to ya.
Easy access to everyday items - it is a bit of an ordeal to get simple things in this country, and I am so thankful that in America, it is so easy to just run to the store and get things
Paved roads - My booty appreciates those

Other miscellaneous things that I am so thankful for

An amazing education - both High School and ole faithful : UT (The real one)
My health - I have my ups and downs, but I am better off than most
Facebook - I can keep in touch with anyone, anywhere
Tennessee Basketball

Ok, so that is my short list of things, but I know there are so many more things that I could write. I hope you all had a great thanksgiving!

20 more days :)

Marie's Story

2010-11-19T15:01:00.000-08:00

This is a story of a little girl who breaks my heart.

I got a phone call about a week and a half ago from Michelle. She told me that a baby had been dropped off at our clinic. This is baby number 2 that has been dropped off, and I already knew that Michelle had this baby in her possession. We meet up and I see this HUGE baby! She has got to weigh 30 pounds. She is seven months, has two teeth, and is all around pretty adorable.

I hold her for a few minutes, and she pees on me. This is the beginning of our love-hate relationship. I'm still getting used to "babies" so having one pee on me was not a good start. I really wanted to know her story so Michelle filled me in on all of the details.

Marie's dad is a voodoo priest. Every November, there is a ceremony where babies are sacrificed to the voodoo religion. Marie's mom brought Marie and her younger brother to the clinic that day covered in blood. Quickly, the staff at the clinic found out that the children had been abused by the father, and he was planning on killing baby Marie. My heart sunk. How can ANYONE kill an innocent child. My heart started beating fast, and I was so glad that she was in our possession.

We are home with Marie, and she starts SCREAMING. Every time we put this child down, she cries uncontrollably. I automatically get nervous for this child. I know she is out of her comfort zone, even though her comfort zone was being beat. I can't imagine what this baby has seen, but I do know that she hates being put down. If she is held, she is perfectly fine, but the minute she is put on the couch, or on the bed, the tears start flowing.

We are trying to calm her down when Michelle gets a call from the clinic director. The mom has returned to the clinic saying that the dad wants the baby back, and we have to bring Marie back right now. Heart sinking part 2. Michelle says that Marie has to go back to the clinic because the dad is still in charge. The pastor of the community church is going to the dad to try to get him to relinquish Marie, but at this point, anything could happen. He could definitely say I want my baby back, and that baby could be sacrificed tomorrow.

Marie left our house, and I couldn't help but plead with our Father to save this baby's life. I was reminded that whether this baby comes back to our house or not, God is still in control and has this baby surrounded in love. We prayed and weeped, and prayed, and weeped. I was sick to my stomach thinking that this baby could go back to her earthly father just to be harmed and possibly even killed.

After praying for a while and talking to some girls that are staying at our house, I walked down to our guesthouse to see what was going on. We got a call and the clinic director said that the dad decided to relinquish his responsibility! He said the baby was his wife's and she could do what she wanted! I immediately started praising the Lord for sparing this baby's life! Once again, the power of prayer showed me how little faith I have. God knew all along what would happen to this baby, and it reminded me once again how sovereign and awesome He is.

So Marie is now living with us. For the first 3 days she did nothing but cry. She would start crying, then Melissa would start crying. We were having a really hard time, but she has finally gotten used to us and has started playing and smiling a lot more. She can even sit on the floor with some toys and not cry! She truly has come a long way, and I'm so blessed to see the transition that is happening in her life.

I don't know where Marie will end up, but I am confident that she will always be protected under God's wing. She has already impacted several people's lives, and I know that her story will impact so many more. I hope her story even moves you as you are reading this. God really is in control, and He knows what is best for us, and baby Marie.

I'll keep you updated as she grows and we find a permanent place for her.

Until next time...

Quickie Update

2010-11-16T06:56:00.000-08:00

I am so sorry I haven't been updating much. Life has been so crazy lately, but I did want to send a quick shout-out and let ya'll know that I'm still here! I hope to do an in depth blog later tonight!

I found out yesterday that I am going to teach a creative writing and a speech class next semester! I am so excited about these two courses, and I'm starting to plan out exactly what I want to teach in them.

The Lord has been so good to me lately, and has been reminding me to trust in Him and everything else will fall into place. As always, I am so thankful for your prayers, and I promise to tell you all about recent happenings very very soon!

I love ya'll!

He never lets go.

2010-11-06T06:53:00.000-07:00

This blog was written yesterday during the "hurricane."

“Oh no, you never let go, through the calm, and through the storm.”

These words are resounding in my head today. Not only does is take a literal meaning for me today, but also an emotional one. As many of you know, Tropical Storm Tomas has now turned into a hurricane and is heading our way. The rain started yesterday around 4 pm, and hasn’t really taken a break. I woke up this morning at the sky was covered with clouds, and the rain was still coming down.

I don’t know what is going to happen during this hurricane, but I do know one thing. God is completely in control of this storm. I have already seen his faithfulness because He has already pushed the storm away from us. The eye will no longer cover us, but we will still get the rain. I am so thankful that He knows exactly what He’s doing, and He is protecting us from MAJOR devastation.

That does not mean that we are not in danger, though. Not so much me, but the citizens of this country are in grave danger. A lot of rain causes mudslides and causes disease to spread. A lot of rain also ruins tents, which over one million people are still living in.

But HE never lets go. HE is here through the calm days, and HE is here on these stormy days. I can’t tell you why this hurricane is coming to an already devastated country, but I can tell you that so many people are being brought to Jesus. So many people have been brought to their knees to pray for this country. Jesus is in control, and will bring Himself glory in all of this.

I’m trusting Him completely to do what He wills in this situation, and I will follow Him faithfully.

Several weeks ago, I was teaching English class when a 16-year-old boy named Rodney came in. He some semi-good English and we had several conversations just about him and everything in his life.

I knew of Rodney before I actually met him. Rodney was flown to the states about a year ago to UT Hospital to have some work done on his heart. He had some form of heart murmur, but I’m not totally sure what kind. He had the first surgery successfully, and was scheduled to have at least 3 more.

A couple of weeks ago, we got a call saying that Rodney was having extreme chest pains. We got him into the Dominican Republic so that a doctor could look at him and see if he could have surgery. When he left, he told our pastor, “I don’t think I’ll be coming back home.”

In my heart, I thought that he would for sure be coming back. I thought they would quickly get him a surgery, and he would come back and I would see him again. As the days progressed, the news got worse and worse. The doctors looked at him and basically said he was too far-gone for surgery, and if they cut him open he would die.

So basically, we were now just waiting. Waiting to see if he would pull through, or go home to our Heavenly Father. Chris, a guy that we work with who took care of Rodney while he was in the states, and Pastor Jude, Rodney’s pastor, got to the Dominican as soon as they could. When they got there, Rodney perked up, and he was so happy to see Chris and Pastor Jude. They were laughing and cutting up. Rodney was at a hotel at this point, and he got up to walk out of the door to go for a little walk.

He collapsed in the doorway and died on the way to the hospital. When Michelle told me this, I had this overwhelming sense of sadness. But then a light bulb went off in my head. Rodney isn’t hurting anymore. He is in heaven, and that is SO much better than being on this Earth.

You see, Rodney was just a street kid, taken in by a loving woman who shared the gospel with him. Rodney was a believer, and because one woman decided she would be responsible for him, He got to know our heavenly Father, and he is now in heaven praising His name forever.

As much as we will all miss Rodney, I know he is so thankful to be praising our God.

“Oh no, you NEVER let go, through the calm, and through the storm.”

Hydration and Hurricanes

2010-11-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have had two days off work. At least what I thought was off work. I ended up having to do a lot of catching up on work and preparing for my next two weeks of classes. We were out for All Saints and All Souls Day.

All Saints is the same thing as All Hallows, and is a Roman Catholic holiday. It is a day to remember all of the saints, known and unknown. All Souls Day is a mostly Catholic holiday and is used to remember the "faithful departed."

I don't celebrate either of these holiday's, but it was nice to have a couple of days off of school.

Dr. Jenny flew in because she wanted to spend some time with Melissa, so I not only had days off of school, but I had a babysitter for 5 days! It was really nice just to have some time to relax and chill out before school geared back up. We also had two new girls come and they are staying here until about December. They are both 18, and it is so nice to have someone closer to my age around.

Everyone in this house has been sick, and I have been avoiding it like the plague. I have been extremely successful in my efforts until a "slip" I had, which I'll tell you about later. Because everyone has been sick, we really haven't done anything this weekend. I have been so lazy, but in a good way.

Sunday, we went to church and it was an incredible service. It was so full, and I didn't get to hear much of the sermon, but just being back at Port-au-Prince fellowship was awesome, and really revived me. Sunday night, I was invited to a teacher's party that was on campus. I was really debating on what to wear because I didn't want to look silly, but this is what I decided on.

Ok, so you can't see my outfit real well, but I was gangster barbie :)

Well, it started pouring down rain, so my costume got a little soaked. But there was awesome food! There were salty snacks, sweet snacks, and freshly popped caramel corn. It was DELICIOUS! I had one of the best brownies I've ever had in my life. Or maybe I say that because it was the first brownie I've had since moving here. Either way, it was the bomb.

So for those of you that don't know.. there is a hurricane coming for us. The weather channel has changed it's predictions daily, so no one really knows what is going on. At first it was going to be really really bad, but now it's not going to be as bad. Any strong winds or heavy rain will devastate this already devastated country. Please pray with me that it will either break up, or go a different direction.

There are so many people living in tents in this country, that any type of strong wind will take away their homes and all their belongings, leaving them homeless once again. Also, as many of you know, Cholera has broken out in this country. The heavy rain will make the Cholera spread more rapidly, and this country does not need that!

Cholera is easily treated, but many people to not have access to the treatment. Cholera is spread though dirty water. We are having to brush our teeth with bottled water, and make sure we have purified drinking water. Also, anything that is bought on the street now has to be washed in purified water before we can eat it. These things are extremely easy for us, but for people living in tents and on the streets, these tasks are impossible. Cholera dehydrates you, and causes fever and diarrhea.

To help these people, we spent a few hours yesterday making rehydration packs for people so if they get Cholera, they can put this mixture into a bottle of water and take a medicine and be fine. We are really hoping this disease doesn't spread, but if it does, we want to be able to help as many people as possible. We made close to 200 hydration packs, so if the hurricane hits and the cholera spreads, we can be active in helping this community.

So please join me in prayer for this country so that it does not have to go through more devastation.

On a different note.. I'm coming home in 6 weeks for a little bit. Words can't express how excited I am. I got to talk to several of my friends that were at a Bible Study on Sunday night and it was so good to hear their voices. I also got to talk to my mom, dad, and sister, which was such a blessing.

God is truly doing huge things in this country, and in my life. I love this country, I love my job, and I love the people that I'm surrounded by here in Haiti.

Until next time...

Tarantula!

2010-10-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

So this morning, I woke up, but I really wasn't ready to GET up. So I went back to sleep for a few minutes. Then my alarm clock rang once again, and I knew that I HAD to get up and get ready for school. So I groggily went to the shower to begin my getting ready routine.

I opened up the curtain to turn the water on, and thankfully I looked down. THERE WAS A HUGE TARANTULA!!!!

Anyone who knows me knows I hate spiders, and this was no different. I sort of freaked out, but was too tired to really care.

I went into the other room and got Dustin, 15, to take care of it.

It really didn't hit me until this afternoon that I had my first tarantula sighting in Haiti. It was not fun at all, and hopefully I will never see one again.

Latest Musings

2010-10-25T11:36:00.001-07:00

Sweet smiling girl.

Where have I been you ask? Behind a desk. I know, I know. That is NO excuse for not blogging. I feel so bad because so much has happened, but I have been so busy grading papers, and making tests, that I have been so cruel to my lovely readers. But I’m back! And not only do I have a blog for you, but also PICTURES!! Now, who doesn’t love a good picture?

So last time I blogged was about Melissa Hope. I am excited to tell you that she is still a huge part of my life and I spend every single day with her. It pains me to spend time at school because I’m not with her. I’m pretty sure it’s true love between us. She has finally gotten most of her paperwork done (passport and visa) and should be heading to the Dominican Republic in about 2 weeks to undergo heart surgery. Once she is recovered, then she should start to grow like a weed!

It is so challenging to be her mom right now. I have so much going on that sometimes I wonder if I’m capable of taking care of this small child. It is so neat to see her pick up on the things that I do. She puckers her lips and makes kissy faces, and she now clasps her hands. She is growing so much and I’m privileged to be in her life. But that doesn’t make it easy. Many days I feel like I’m not doing a good job, or that I shouldn’t be in charge of a life, but God has a reason, and I’m clinging to that. It is also comforting to know that once my time is up with her, she is going to a GREAT home. I have met the people that are adopting her, and Melissa will have the best life she could ever dream of. Will it be hard to let go of her, yes, but I’m comforted to know that she will be in GREAT hands and I will have nothing to worry about for her well being.

My beautiful home!

Everyone does keep asking me if I am adopting her. I would like to say yes. Every ounce of me would love to have this baby forever and watch her grow mentally and physically. There are a couple of things that deter me from doing that. One is that Haitian law states that you must be 35 and married for at least 10 years in order to adopt from this country. So legally, it would never be possible. I do know a couple that is thinking about having their parents adopt a child then signing over the papers. So it is possible. But that brings me to my next point. I’m 22 and single. There is no way that I could support a baby. Melissa would not have the life that she deserves, and I know that. Plus, she is going to a great home, so I have no worries when it comes to her. She will always be a part of me, and I of her. So no, I am not adopting her, but she is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Ever.

So, now I want to tell you all about school! Today I am actually at a parent teacher conference. I have to be here for six hours, and I basically just wait for the parents to come see me. I have three unsatisfactory behavior grades, and that is no fun, but they are going pretty well so far.

The sun!! It's so bright!

In the morning I aid 5^th grade. They are so much fun! Apparently, they have some behavior issues at recess, but their teacher, Tiffany Nash, really has them under control! They respect her and really like her, and she is a wonderful teacher to get to observe everyday and learn from. The students have been reading James and the Giant Peach. I have never read that book, but I am getting to listen to them discuss the book, and it is so interesting. They really enjoy reading and have been really responsive to the things they have to do for their discussion groups. I have also been grading a lot of their papers, and occasionally help a child read or do some math. They are such a fun class, and I have really enjoyed being a part of their lives.

Also in the morning, I aid 6^th grade. This grade is an interesting grade. They seem to have a lot more behavior issues than the 5^th grade. Their teacher, Kristie Mattenley, is awesome and really gives the kids a chance express themselves through many different avenues. They really struggle with dirty jokes and cursing more than anything. I was really shocked to hear some of the things that come out of their mouths. Kristie is definitely handling it well. Usually in that class I help with Science, Social Studies, and drama. They are sweet kids and really like to learn.

Then, I teach 11^th grade American Literature. I never in my life thought I would ever teach American Literature. Mr. Chopson (my literature teacher in high school) would be so proud of me! This class is a first year teacher’s DREAM! They participate, they all have A’s and B’s, and they are so much fun to teach. Right now we are reading To Kill A Mockingbird, which is one of my absolute favorite books of all time!

I then aid some more, and eat lunch, and aid some more. Haha! My schedule is so undefined!

Last period I teach grade 10 English. The focus of that class is mostly to develop writing skills and read novels. Currently, we are reading Pride and Prejudice, which is another one of my favorite books. This class is extremely hard to teach. They are often loud and rambunctious, and it is really hard to get anything done. Behavior grades just went out, so hopefully they will realize that their behavior is unacceptable and they will do better.

My favorite picture of us at the beach.

Teaching is a lot of fun, but also a lot of work! I have decided though, that this is something I could do for the rest of my life. Something I WANT to do for the rest of my life. I enjoy planning my lessons and helping kids understand something they think is impossible. I definitely want to go to grad school and get my Master’s in English so that I can teach English at the high school level.

What's up homie?!

So yeah, that’s school. Here are some other things that have happened. I’m just doing bullet points because I’m too lazy to type out full paragraphs J

I saw my first dead person. Morbid, I know. But that saddest part of that is when we drove past, the police officers that were “on the case” were standing nearby getting their shoes shined. It made me so mad.

I also was almost involved in another Haitian wreck. I was in one on my birthday, but this one was much worse. The guy passed us and his throttle got stuck and he cut us off and smacked into a wall. We were lucky to not hit him.

I got to drive! Michelle taught me how to drive a stick and I got to drive for a few minutes. I’m really terrible at it.

I got to watch the UT-Alabama and the Titans-Eagles games this week. Oh, how I’ve missed football.

The school is starting discipleship groups this week, and I will have 5-10 girls in my group and we will get to do a book study or something. I’m still praying about it.

We went to the beach the other day. It was so fun and relaxing. Melissa quite enjoyed the water. There are pictures scattered throughout this blog.

Things have been going pretty well. There are always going to be bad days. I have had my share of them, but overall, my time in Haiti is well worth the craziness. I feel like I’m impacting the people and that is one of the best feelings ever. I miss my family and my friends like CRAZY, but I know it is only seven and a half weeks until I’m reunited with the ones I love.

Thank you for your prayers, and I hope you are being blessed daily just as I am. I love all of you!

Melissa Hope: warrior child

2010-09-26T21:28:00.000-07:00

Photo credits to Michelle Roberts and Anne Peters!

Melissa Hope has the story of a warrior. I am so privileged to watch her grow day to day. If you follow my tweets, or are my friend on Facebook, then you probably know a little bit about her. I want to take a blog to tell all of you her story and how awesome she is.

This is a recent picture of Mel-loo-loo

Two weeks ago, Dr. Jenny Chapman and nurse Anne Peters came to Haiti to serve. While they were here, we visited the orphanage, held a mobile medical clinic and they served at the clinic in Pernier that we support. On Thursday (I believe), Jenny and Anne were serving at the clinic when we got a phone call. A small child had been abandoned at the clinic! This child was believed to be 6 months and was suffering from being malnourished. She also has down syndrome. Then, to add another whammy, she also has a heart defect!

She looks so cute with her hair smoothed down!

I was in utter disgust when I found out that someone had just abandoned his or her child. Even though I am not a parent, I still cannot imagine just leaving my child somewhere. We went to the clinic to pick up Jenny and Anne and they brought along this little baby. At this point, we were still not sure of her name so we just called her “baby.” The moment I saw this child, my breath was taken away. This little baby was 6 months but looked like a newborn! We took her back to the house, and Jenny bonded with her. We decided to let Jenny pick the name for the baby since she had formed such a strong bond with her. We thought this baby might be one that we had seen before, and Greg confirmed that. Her name was Melissa, and her mom had brought her to the clinic several times. The next morning, Jenny and Anne were leaving and they woke up to a feverish baby.

This is three days after she was abandon!

My disgust for this mother quickly drizzled away when Jenny was telling me that the baby was well taken care of. She had no rashes, no flat spots from laying down too much, but she was just malnourished. I was so quick to judge that mother before I even knew her situation.

Three days with her and I already started to bond with her!

Now, I don’t really even like babies that much, but this one was breaking my heart. There was no way I could send her out to the orphanage with her being as week as she was. So somehow, out of my mouth, I uttered the words “I’ll take care of her until she is better.” WHAT?! Did I JUST say that? I blew my own mind, not to mention everyone else saying, did she just say that?!

My first meeting with Melissa!

So Jenny and Anne left me with a lot of instructions and good hug and they went back to America. So now what? I have this teeny tiny baby and I don’t have any younger siblings, nor have I ever been around babies.

So that starts my journey. I now wake up every morning to a beautiful baby girl who I have grown to love.

She is SUCH a good baby. She hardly ever cries, she sleeps through the whole night, and she smiles 90% of the time when she is awake. I have truly created a bond with her that is unbreakable. I know that she is God’s child and He has His hand in all of this.

So where do we go from here? I feed her every 4 hours, and boy has she plumped up! Her face is totally filled out and her limbs are beginning to get thicker. She is very high functioning! She will grab my hair and smile and move her limbs with purpose. She hates being covered up and often when I put a blanket on her, she will throw it off to the side.

Little bitty malnourished feet!

Her heart is the main issue right now. We are not sure what type of heart defect it is, but we do know that it needs to be taken care of. There is a doctor coming down at the end of September and he has agreed that he will do up to 100 children’s heart surgeries free of charge. We are praying that Melissa receives one of these treatments. If he comes down in September and says that she needs to have the surgery extremely soon, then we will have to find a way to get her into the states to have the surgery. If it is not an urgent problem, then we will wait until the doctor schedules the surgery to have it fixed.

She has so many people praying over her, and I hope that you will commit to praying for her too. She has a long way to go, but I know that God will take care of it. He has placed her in my life for a reason, and I can already tell that she is going to be marked in my heart forever.

She is getting so strong! When we first got her, she could not do anything. She could move her limbs, but could not push herself up or really control her head at all. I am so pleased to let you know that she can roll completely on to her tummy, she can push up once she is on her tummy, and she has really great control of her head. She will be lying on my stomach and she will look up at me and smile. It is the most precious thing I have ever seen. So she really is doing better. I’m excited to watch her continue to grow, and I will do my best to add pictures every chance I get.

This is my absolute favorite picture of her EVER!

Pretty Please With Cherries On Top!

2010-09-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hi friends! So as you guys know, I have been in Haiti for over a month now!

It has been a great experience and I am having a wonderful time. Ministry is tough, and part of being in the ministry is funding the time spent on the mission field. As you also know, I now have a job, so that is definitely going to help in my time here.

However, I still need funds to cover some costs from my time that I have already been here.

I could REALLY you use you guys help! The ministry here is good, and God is doing great things!

God has provided all of my August fees, but I am still in need of some for September since I didn't start my job until the middle of September.

Any amount you can give would be so appreciated! Thank you so much to those who have already given! I just ask that you pray and allow God to use you in my ministry! Every ounce of the funds goes straight to the ministry and funding the essentials of me living here like food, transportation, and rent.

If you would like to donate, please send a check to Kathy Birkhead (my mom) and she will know what to do with it! You can also make the check out to her because she will be sending the money to me by way of other missionaries. (e-mail me for information kristinabirkhead@gmail.com)

Thank you so much for reading this and I pray that God would work in your life through my ministry!

Can we call you Miss Tina?

2010-09-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, my students asked me if they could call me Miss Tina. I quietly chuckled to myself and told them no, you have to call me Ms. Birkhead. And that is weird.

I love to teach. I never thought I would say that. I despised my college classes so much that I never thought I would step into a school building again. But here I am, teaching in a Christian school. The Lord likes to laugh at me and point my life in the direction I never thought it would go.

Right now, I have two high school English classes, and I always help with the elementary.

In the elementary, most of the kids speak English as their second language, so it can be hard to pick up on what the teacher is trying to tell them. This is where I come in. I will sit with them and read with them, and really just work on their English until they feel comfortable and their teacher’s feel comfortable with their progress. I haven’t started doing this yet, but we are working on my schedule currently.

I start teaching my English classes today. My first class is the juniors and boy are they crazy! I taught their class on Friday because their regular teacher was not able to be there. I was caught really off guard and had prepared nothing, so I just took a stab at it, and it went well. We played a round of boggle, and then they had to write a story with the words they came up with. They really seemed to enjoy it, and I definitely enjoyed reading the stories! I did notice that their writing is not the best, so this week we are spending time on how to write a successful essay.

My last class is the sophomores. I have sat in on their class several times, but today is my first day of actually teaching them. We are starting the short story, King Arthur. I think they will enjoy it. I have definitely enjoyed researching it and coming up with ideas for discussion. I just really hope I am effective in teaching the subject and I hope they enjoy it too.

If you have ANY advice on teaching English, I would absolutely love it. I’m kind of thrown into this big ocean and I’m not really sure what I’m doing. I know that God has called me to this, but I could definitely use some advice!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

2010-09-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday DAD!!!

I want to dedicate this blog to my dad because today is his BIRTHDAY!!!

My dad is awesome. He is one of the coolest people I have ever met. He has always been there for me and has supported me when others thought I was crazy. He protects me, loves me, and teaches me how to be a better daughter and woman.

He is the life of the party and has allowed me to see some of the coolest places and things that I could imagine. He has given me the best life, and I thank God every day for him.

So if you read this, and you are friends with him on facebook, then go over there and give him a shout and tell him how cool he is!

My first day as a teacher! Well, kinda :)

2010-09-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

I started my job at Quisqueya Christian School today. What an awesome opportunity the Lord has provided me! I was already semi-familiar with most of the high school teachers because I had met them at the open house for Dustin and Ashton’s classes. All the teachers are so friendly and really welcomed me in today and made me feel like a part of the team!

My day started out with Mr. Dakoter. He is the elementary school principal. He took me on a quick tour of all of the facilities and introduced me to a bunch of different teachers that were not busy at that time. I also sat in on one of the classes that I will be teaching. Mr. Hersey, the director of the school currently teaches 10th and 11th grade English, and those are the two classes that I will be teaching for him. In 11th grade English, the students are just finishing up reading Huckleberry Finn. If you know me at all, you know how much I love reading the classic books, so when I found out this was what they were reading, I was very excited! The class is very energetic and has a number of different interests. I’m excited to get to know them better and really start digging into the material. I will be just an observer for this week and then slowly ease my way into teaching.

I ate lunch with a bunch of the teachers. They were all so kind, and they all knew that I was going to be teaching there because of an e-mail that was sent out to the staff. The other high school English teacher was super inviting and really took me under her wing and let me know that she would help in any way shape or form. It’s really great to know that the teachers are so close here. It is a small family, and I’m excited to be a part of it.

After lunch, I read for about an hour because I had a break, then went and say in on the other English teacher’s class, just to get a feel for how she teaches. Her class is going through Antigone, which I have not read, but I really learned a lot from her teaching style.

And that was my first day of school! Pretty low-key, but also very fun. My awkwardness definitely came out today, but I quickly put it away and became a normal human again, haha!

But I got a double-dose of teaching today!

Every Tuesday, the Roberts teach an English as a second language class at the First Baptist Church of Penier. I had taught it once before, but really found the curriculum they had to be mundane and not helpful. So today, I decided to make up my own curriculum, with the help of an ESL book that was given to us. I had about 10 students in my intermediate class and we went over the verb “to be” and how to use am, is and are. It was a great class, and I really enjoyed it this week because I knew what I was teaching and how to teach them effectively. The students really enjoyed it as well. They were asking me to bring worksheets for them every week so they could learn better.

I know that God is doing BIG things in Haiti. One of my projects while on staff at Quisqueya is to start a mentoring program for the girls of the school. Mentoring is so close to my heart. Many of you know that I mentor girls back home in Nashville, so the opportunity to continue that here is such a blessing. I really want the students to feel God’s love and really understand what it means to live a Christ-centered life. I know that the Lord is in this school and He will guide me through this awesome time!

Well, that is all for now. I have another full day of learning and growing tomorrow! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! God is working!

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty!

2010-09-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

I’m trying to be better about blogging more often. I was doing good for a while, but I know I have slacker tendencies, but I’m going to try to stay on top of things. I’m just going to leave off where my last blog ended!

So, I have been looking for different places to serve while I’m here. I have been to the orphanage at Thomazeu, I have helped in mobile clinics, and done other various things. As much as I have loved doing both of those things, I knew that God had something bigger for me. The kids started school at Quisqueya Christian School. The director of the school told Greg and Michelle (the missionary couple I live with) that there might be an opening for a teacher’s aide position. I scheduled an informal interview with the school director and prayed that God would do what he wanted with this opportunity.

So off to the interview I went. I was more nervous than I had been in a long time. I didn’t know what to expect or what God was going to do. I just prayed that whatever the outcome, that God would be the center of the decision. When I went in I was as nervous as nervous can be! Mr. Hersey, the director of the school started out with the regular questions… what is your degree in, what do you feel competent to teach in, what are your hobbies, explain your spiritual walk, etc. I breezed through those questions and Mr. Hersey told me that there is a lot of need at QCS and if I would commit to staying until May, then I could teach a speech class and a Bible class. My mouth dropped open at the thought of staying until May. I knew that I would have to pray hard core about this and talk to my family before I could make any decisions.

So I prayed. A lot. I talked to the missionaries about it then talked with my parents, and truly feel like God is totally opening doors for me to stay here until May. So I’m staying til May! I’m going to start teaching sometime soon.

Surprisingly, my parents were totally okay with it. I mean, they were sad that I wasn’t coming home to stay, but also excited for me.

I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, but decided not to pursue it. This will be a great indicator or whether or not I want to make a career out of teaching, and possibly get my Masters Degree in education. So yeah, I’m super pumped!

God is doing such great things in Haiti. Last Saturday we did a mobile clinic with World Orphans. I have blogged about them before. When Chelsea and Hannah were here, we did a mobile clinic with World Orphans (Chelsea gave me a tetanus shot). We went back to the same location to finish looking over all the kids with Dr. Jenny Chapman. We saw about 40 people all together, which was incredible. Most of the kids had either worms or a cold. Dr. Jenny was excellent with all the kids. Her passion totally showers through all of her work.

I’m going back to Quisqueya School today to talk to Mr. Hersey more about teaching there. I’ll try to blog some more tomorrow between taking care of a six month old and preparing for English class tomorrow. Sorry for such the delay, but I will blog again VERY soon!

Thank you for your prayers and support. They are truly amazing, and God is at work in this place.

A tale of a lazy girl..

2010-09-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since I last blogged, and I really wish that I could give you an awesome reason that would blow your mind, but I don’t have anything. Not even a good bluff! Truth is, I’ve been doing a lot of N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

But, I promised I would blog about the orphanage, so that is what I’m going to start out with. We went out to Thomazeau to Children of Hope Orphanage and Hospice. This was my third trip there since I’ve been here, and probably my favorite one that I’ve taken out there. As I blogged about HERE, last time I was there I fell in love with a little boy named Israel. If you remember, Israel is the first boy that I played volleyball with last time I went to the orphanage. As soon as we got there, I went and found him to see how he was doing. We had been told that a lot of the kids were running fever with a cough, so I wanted to make sure that he was feeling all right. I finally found him after 10 minutes of actively searching for him, and he was not sick at all! I was so thankful that he was feeling good and ready to play! He went and grabbed a soccer ball and we played soccer for at least an hour! During a break we were taking, Julie came and found me. Julie is a girl that I met in October, and instantly fell in love with. I have been looking for her every time we went to the orphanage and finally found her this time. She wanted to hold my hand and touch and hug and sit together all day. It was so hard trying to divide my attention between two kids who I absolutely loved, but we all sat together and took LOTS of pictures.

As much as I love the orphanage, but it is so hard for me to come and go. The looks on the faces of these kids when we leave absolutely break my heart. I told someone the other day that if I had a job, a house, and a husband, I would adopt Israel and Julie in an instant. I can only pray that someone loves these kids as much as I do and want to take them home. So if you need a couple of extra kids in your household, I definitely know these two deserve an amazing home!

However, I am REALLY happy that I get to go back as many times as I want between now and December to love on not only Israel and Julie, but the rest of the kids at the orphanage as well.

After we kicked the soccer ball for a while, the kids gathered around me and brought a book that had English words in it. We sat for about an hour and read the book. The kids were learning English and I was learning Creole. We went through body parts, colors, numbers, and other random words of objects we saw around the orphanage. I finally felt like I was doing something productive that would pay off in the long run. It was all around an awesome day, but leaving again was so so hard. My heart breaks each time we leave because I know that at the end of the day, I have two amazing parents and a ton of friends that I get to go home to. These kids don’t have that luxury, so I want them to feel like they are loved each and every time I see them. It’s heartbreaking, but I wish that everyone could experience the feeling that I feel when I leave this kids. It is gut wrenching, but it is also a beautiful thing to know that I’ve poured out love to them whenever they don’t have that luxury or receiving that same love from a parental figure.

So that was my trip to the orphanage. It was a wonderful wonderful trip and I can’t wait to go back and see Israel and Julie again.

So back to my laziness. I haven’t been TOTALLY lazy. I have worked out every day except Saturdays and Sundays! Michelle and I are trying to get toned and work off all the calories we eat! We usually get up and work out then get ready and go pick up the kids. I try to help them with their homework as much as I can, then get ready for dinner. We are finally in the groove of school. The reason for my laziness was basically trying to figure out where I could serve keeping with the schedules of the kids. And I will get to more of how I will be serving a little later in this post! (What? I’ve got to keep you interested)

One interesting thing that has happened to me since the last time I blogged is a little Haitian bug. This little bug decided to crawl up in my belly and make me feel terrible for two days. I must admit, I did not work out on these today, but only because my body physically would not let me. I couldn’t keep any food down and just felt absolutely horrible the entire time. I still have no clue exactly what happened, but it was terrible for those two days. I am fully recovered, and back in a good work out schedule once again.

So right now, the missionaries I live with are fundraising for a generator. Being the PR major I am, I have been trying to help them come up with ways to raise $6,000 to purchase a generator big enough to run the house and the guesthouse. I had not really seen the absolute NEED for one until a few days ago. We have three types of power here in Haiti: EDH, which is public power, the generator, and the inverter, which runs of batteries that charge when the generator or public power is on. EDH hardly ever comes on. We never know when we will have power or not. The inverter can only run for so long on battery power before the batteries die and have to be recharged. The generator often cuts itself off because it is having to work so hard to power all of the things that need to be powered, I.E. fans, fridge, electronics, things of that sort. So the other night, the kids were tucked in to bed ready to go to sleep when all of the sudden the power went out completely. EDH was not on, the inverter had no battery power, and the generator had stopped working completely. Greg quickly ran to the generator and had our guard, Zeke, help him try to fix it. An hour went by, and let me tell you, an hour with NO fans is misery. It was stinking hot, and all the kids were awake. After the hour, they finally got the generator to turn on, but I quickly realized that the generator was not big enough to run two houses! So here is my fundraising plea… we NEED a generator. If you would be so kind as to help us raise the money, I would love you forever. Just E-mail me, and I will definitely let you know what you can do to help! (My e-mail is kristinabirkhead@gmail.com)

In other news, a huge cockroach ran across my floor the other day. A cockroach the size of TEXAS! Luckily, Dustin, the 15 year-old missionary’s son came to my rescue and killed the cockroach. I am forever grateful!

But, now I am tired, so I am going to bed to rest my eyes for a bit before a new week starts. I’ll try to blog more tomorrow because I have some wonderful news that I want to share with all of you!

Grace and peace.

I cut my hair!!

2010-08-28T17:48:00.000-07:00

I finally chopped all of it off! The pictures are backwards because I can't get them to flip!

After!

Before!!

I absolutely LOVE it!! Let me know what you think!

My favorite thing: FOOD!!!

2010-08-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

So, I have been in Haiti for two weeks now, and it was brought to my attention that I have not told you guys about the Haitian food! I have been so excited about the hamburgers and ice cream that I haven’t even touched on the awesome food that our Haitian cook, Lannie, makes! So this blog is dedicated to the food lovers out there that don’t care about my pizza and hamburgers!

RICE AND BEANS: Of course, we have rice and beans every single night. Lucky me! I love rice and beans. Most nights we have rice with peas in it, so naturally I pick all the peas out and just eat the rice. The rice has a bit of a spicy flavor to it, but tastes AMAZING. I could eat it every single night. Some nights though, we have white rice and pinto beans, which is my favorite type of rice and beans that we have!

LE GOO: I have no clue if that is how you actually spell it, but I don’t really eat it. It is vegetables mixed up in a blender, and then you pour it over the white rice. I don’t like veggies, so I don’t eat it. The main vegetable in it is some kind of green leaf, so it really just looks like green stringy stuff. Everyone says it is delicious, but I haven’t had the guts to eat it yet!

BULLION: I’m killing the spellings of these things. This meal is like a vegetable soup. It has chunks of potatoes in it and beef and carrots. It has an amazing flavor, and you put the rice in the soup and eat it all together. It is so delicious, but soup is hard to eat when it is 100 degrees outside.

CHICKEN LEGS: Lannie makes some of the best chicken legs I have ever had. I am not a huge dark meat eater, but her chicken legs have the best flavor! She bastes them in some kind of sauce with onions and it tastes amazing. We have those about 3 times a week!

MAC N CHEESE: Now, this isn’t your run of the mill every day macaroni and cheese. This is Haitian mac and cheese. She takes long penne noodles and cheese of course, but puts ham and some seasonings in it. It takes like heaven on a plate. It is so good! I wish I could be more descriptive, but that’s really all I can tell you. I’ll try to start taking pictures of our food so that you can see the deliciousness I am talking about!

SALAD: The salad here is so fresh, because all the ingredients are bought fresh from the street markets. She puts cucumbers and onions and we usually have a vinaigrette dressing. YUM!

FISH: I don’t eat fish, but this is the main thing that people eat in Haiti. Fish and shrimp. We went to a fish place the other day and when you order the fish, they literally bring out the ENTIRE fish. Head and all. It looks absolutely disgusting to me, but everyone says it tastes good. So if you like fish, Haiti is definitely somewhere you should go!

CHINESE: You read it right… Chinese!! In Haiti!! Say whaaaat?!?! We discovered this awesome little Chinese restaurant the other day! It had traditional Chinese food, but was way overpriced, so we won’t be returning there unless it is a special occasion, but it did taste wonderful! I had sweet and sour chicken and fried rice!

BBQ CHICKEN: When we went to the fish place, I ordered BBQ chicken. It was chicken wings (bone in) drenched in a wonderful barbeque sauce. And fresh cut French fries of course.

JUICE: When Lannie cooks, she always has fresh squeezed juice for us to drink. My favorite is fresh squeezed lemonade! It is to DIE for! We have also had grapefruit, and mango, but I try to drink water at dinner because it’s better for you!

HAITIAN BREAKFAST: I’ve only had a Haitian breakfast once. We had a buffet! A normal Haitian breakfast: boiled eggs, spaghetti, and bread with butter. I ate boiled eggs and bread with butter, but I’m not a big fan of spaghetti in the morning. Their spaghetti is really good. I’ve had it for lunch, but didn’t venture trying to eat it for breakfast.

PLANTAINS: So I thought plantains were like bananas. I was wrong. When Greg and Michelle picked me up from the airport, Michelle was buying plantains from a guy on the side of the road. She gave me one and it literally tasted like a potato chip! We eat them all the time now! Lannie made some the other night, but she cuts hers extremely thick so it tasted very starchy. I like the thin ones must better!

So there is my tribute to Haitian food. I am still pretty partial to the hamburgers and pizza though! I haven’t been asked to eat goat yet, so I’m doing pretty good. I eat a lot of sandwiches and cereal for breakfast and lunch. Overall, I’m getting a good mix of American and Haitian food, and loving it!

Oh and today is my sister’s birthday, so I couldn’t imagine writing a blog without giving her a shout out!

Happy birthday Marissa!! Enjoy old age!

Be on the look out for my next blog about my trip to the orphanage. It’ll be a heart wrencher!

Christ Compared to a BRA!

2010-08-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday and we went to Pastor Jude’s church. This church is unlike any church I have ever been to. We woke up pretty early to get ready and left to head to church. We got there just in time, but it is 100 degrees inside the church so I stood outside where it was a little cooler. We sang for a little while but it was all in Kreyole, so I really had no clue what they were singing. All of the sudden, a Haitian started singing “Draw me close to you… Never let me go… I lay it all down again… To hear you say that I’m your friend… Help me find a way… Bring me back to You… You’re all I want… You’re all I’ve ever needed… You’re all I want… Help me know you are near.”

I was suddenly reminded of how amazing the Lord is and how good He is to me. I was a little discouraged because I couldn’t understand any of the songs that were being played, but as soon as that song came on, I was completely humbled and put in awe of my Savior once again. It was such a good reminder to know that He is near and that He loves me more than I can ever know. I’m reminded of the song “I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.” And it is so true! I all the time take for granted all that He has done for me, and being here in Haiti makes me never want to take anything for granted again!

Our sermon at church was about making Christ the stronghold of your life. I was taken aback when all of the sudden, the pastor took out a bra from the pulpit! He held it up to his chest and compared Christ to a bra!! He was talking about how a bra secured a woman and protected her, and said that Christ should do that for us. Christ is our light and we must stay in the light! It was unlike any sermon I have ever heard in my life, but strangely, made a lot of sense! Hahaha! I’m sure I’ll never hear another sermon like that again!

After church we went to eat at this wonderful little restaurant and I had a bacon cheeseburger and French fries! Who would’ve thought! But it certainly didn’t compare to my last cheeseburger in America at the Shingletons!

Speaking of the Shingletons, they are probably having Bible study right now. I miss that! If you went, holla at me and let me know how it went!

I’m pretty sure that Church of the Cove is livin’ love for the homeless tonight too. Faye let me know how it went!

Anywhoooo, sorry I am getting so distracted! After lunch we came back to the house and everyone took a nap. I tried so hard to fight it, but when I started reading, I got so sleepy and passed out. When I woke up it was time to take the tour of Haiti and see some of the damage that the Earthquake caused. What an experience that was! There is still so much destruction in Petionville, which is where the epicenter of the quake was. I took lots of pictures and I hope to post them soon! As we were going through the city, we saw houses destroyed, businesses destroyed, and tons of people living in tents on the side of the road. We saw the president’s house too, and it was still really destroyed even though they had started cleaning up some of the destruction. I couldn’t help but pray for all the people that were killed and orphaned and abandoned. They showed us where a hotel collapsed and still had dead bodies of UN members under the rubble. It was heartbreaking to see that. I can’t even explain what my heart was feeling as we were looking upon all of it.

I don’t think I’ll ever experience it again.

We ate Domino’s, yes DOMINO’S after the tour! Who would’ve thought that I would get to eat American style pizza in HAITI! It was a good slice of home… no pun intended. I lied, there was totally a pun intended hahaha!

Now we are watching Michael Jackson’s This Is It. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a HUGE MJ fan. This movie is making me so happy. It’s the perfect end to an awesome and gut wrenching day. Tomorrow we are going to the clinic to help out there. Pray for the people that we will be seeing, and pray for us to be like Christ and show His love to them.

Thanks for all your prayers. They are much needed! I love each and everyone one of you!

Two More Days In Paradise

2010-08-14T18:22:00.001-07:00

What a whirlwind of a week we have had! I could not have asked for a better week to start here in Haiti! I already told you of my first two days in Haiti so I’ll fill you in on the rest of the week so far.

Greg and Michelle (the missionaries that I live with) wanted to take their niece and her best friend to the beach while we were here, so Thursday was set-aside for that. We traveled about an hour away and went to a place called Club Indigo. It was a super nice resort. We got there around 1 that afternoon and checked into our rooms and got some lunch. We played at the beach for a while and at the pool for a while and just relaxed completely.

I ate a hamburger for lunch, and it was DELICIOUS! I had a hot dog for dinner and a coke, which tastes way better here than in America. The water was absolutely beautiful and the temperature was perfect! I couldn’t help but stand in awe of the sunset Thursday night at think about how awesome our God is.

Friday morning we woke up and went to an awesome Haitian breakfast buffet. I had boiled eggs and French toast and boy was it good! We haven’t really eaten just an awesome breakfast, so it was nice to eat some “American” for breakfast. Lunch was pretty delicious too. I had a hot dog with cheese. It really is the little things in life that you miss like something as simple as a hamburger.

We played at the beach for the day then came back home for dinner. After dinner we came back up to the house and I wanted to continue reading “The Shadow Of The Almighty”, which Ms. Janet Shrum so graciously lent me while I came to Haiti. I read quite a bit then got pretty sleepy so I popped a movie into my laptop and tried to drift off to sleep. I was watching the movie when all of the sudden my Skype made a noise to tell me that it turned on. We hadn’t had Internet since Tuesday so I couldn’t believe it was working! As soon as it turned on, my son from Super Summer, Caleb, chatted me to see how I was doing. Our chat soon turned into a phone call, and I got to talk to him for a while. It was so good to hear a familiar voice and see a friend!

My sister and brother in law then called me just to chat and give me Big Brother updates. I know that I’m an addict to crappy reality TV. I’m just itching to know what is happening, so they filled me in on the details.

After I got off the phone with them, Adam West called me and it was so good to see him and John Mark. Even though I’m having such a blast here, it is hard to leave my friends behind. They have been such a huge part of my life for the past two months, so I want to share with them every detail of my life and what I’ve been doing here in Haiti.

I talked to Adam and John Mark for about 15 minutes, and then decided we should conference call with Adam Fox!! The Tripod was reunited! And it did feel good! I finally got to catch up with both of them for a little while, and by the time we were done chatting, it was time for bed!

So once again, I turn my light off and restart my movie and try to drift to sleep, but of course… ANOTHER phone call! I felt so important and popular!

This time, the call was from my dear friend Jared Shingleton. I told him about what I had been doing here and then out of nowhere, he pulled out his guitar and started singing me a song called Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show. We both really love this song so it is funny when both of us listen to it because we tend to think of each other when we hear it. It was so good to catch up with him and see how he was doing. We came up with an awesome business plan that we would both LOVE to make reality one day, so I pray that the Lord would have His way in that.

After I talked to him for a while, I finally lay down, but was WIDE-awake! I finally drifted to sleep around 1 and had to get up around 7:30 the next morning to get ready for a mobile medical clinic.

We left the house this morning around 8:30 to get ready for a medical clinic out by the airport with World Orphans. We saw 64 children today with a range of issues, from worms, to scabies, to colds. I fell in love with a little boy named Sam, and still can’t get my mind off of him! He was the cutest little thing, but ended up leaving the clinic in tears because he didn’t feel good.

We started out the day dividing vitamins into bags so the children could take them home. Mary, one of the nurses on the team, began giving Tetanus and Diphtheria shots, and my friend Chelsea wanted to try. Mary talked her through it, and before I knew it, Chelsea was giving shots to little kids! Another member of our team decided she wanted to try, so she started giving shots as well. Then they asked me if I wanted to try. I was super hesitant, but Mary talked me through it, and I gave my first T/D shot! The boy didn’t even flinch or cry or anything!

It was so much fun that I gave a bunch more! We gave a ton of shots to children over 7 that had not been vaccinated, and it felt so good knowing that those kids could be healthier from a simple shot that I so often take for granted.

So now I have sorted pills and given shots… I think Walgreens would hire me in an instant! Haha! Today was such an awesome day watching so many children be treated of whatever they were dealing with.

Right as we were packing up, the members of our team began to ask me if I had had a Tetanus shot, and of course I said no… I HATE shots! I hate doctors, hospitals and needles. I probably should have got one before I came, but I just really didn’t want to before I left the states because I knew they hurt for a few days. Chelsea, who just started giving shots, decided she wanted to give me a shot, and for some reason, I let her!!! What was I thinking??!?!?? She did a great job though, and even though it hurt, I know that I am now safer having been treated for Tetanus.

Things are going so great here, and I’m so excited to go to church in the morning and see what the Lord has there. I know He is working so much in everything here, and especially in my life. It has been so great to see so many faces light up just from getting a simple vitamin for other medicine, or just from having their belly tickled, or a little massage. It has really been such a great experience, and I can’t wait to see what else He has in store for this week!

My first two days in a place that feels like home!

2010-08-13T19:00:00.001-07:00

Today is my second full day in Haiti. I am having such an amazing time. It is extremely hot here, and that will wear any person out, so I start to lose energy around 1 or 2, but I’ve been doing just fine!

Yesterday was my 22 birthday. Yup, I’m totally old. Woke up this morning feeling my age haha! But yesterday was definitely filled with lots of fun adventures. We woke up around seven and got ready for the day. We then headed out to Children of Hope Orphanage and Hospice to play with the kids. I visited this orphanage back in October and fell in love with it then, and going back yesterday just reminded me of how much I do that those kids!

We played with the kids for a few hours. I fell in love with this boy named Israel. He is probably 6 or 7 and we played with a beach ball and volleyed it back and forth. I haven’t seen a child’s face light up that much in such a long time. It was so fun just to love him and hang out with him.

After a little while, we got in the car to go back to the house. It is definitely a bumpy ride, so we were all hanging on for deal life in the truck. We had stopped and all of the sudden someone RAMMED us! We had 4 people in the bed of the truck and they were definitely shaken up! Everyone was fine, but it took two hours to swap information and figure out what needed to be done. After that we were finally on our way back to the house.

But of course, we had to make another stop. We went to the market to get some snacks. Since it was my birthday, I decided it was ok to eat an entire Toblerone, and that is exactly what I did. It was absolutely delicious. Some girls we were with were on the hunt for Dr. Pepper. The first market didn’t have any, so we went to another market, which took about another hour. By the time we got home, it was time to eat dinner! Oh, and we did find Dr. Pepper, and they bought 15 of them!

We got home and we went down to eat dinner. We have spaghetti and meatballs and salad! It was so delicious! As I was about to start filling my plate, Greg turned around and showed me this BEAUTIFUL cake that he had bought for my birthday and everyone sang. I started to tear up, but held in back. It was so awesome for them to think of me. And this cake was amazing! It was from a French bakery in Petionville, which is about 20 minutes from our house. And it tasted delicious too!

As a matter of fact, I just ate another piece, and it is still delicious!

After dinner we came back up to the house and I skyped with my sister, then Adam West and John Mark, who sang me an AWESOME birthday song. It is so good to still be able to see familiar faces while I’m here.

Today was an excellent day as well. We had to wake up super early to head to the orphanage. Rozlynn was a young girl that had been at the orphanage for a really long time and she was more of a caretaker than an orphan. She died on Monday, and her funeral was today. We went there early this morning so that we could take care of the kids while all of the workers went to the funeral. As soon as we got there, we were swarmed by children. Automatically, Israel, the young boy that I played “beach volleyball” with wanted to play again, so we started playing.

A few minutes later, a boy named Lookins wanted to play basketball, so me, him, Rivaldo and Kinsley played 2 on 2. The basketball goal was a small tin round thing that is nothing like an American basketball goal. But, apparently, I’m not too shabby. Me and Rivaldo won the first game, and tied the second game. It was so fun, but definitely wore me out. Dashna is another young girl that I played with today. She hit her head on a bench and we bonded through that experience.

Now we are back home and all very exhausted. I just wanted to let you guys know what I was doing! It is raining right now, so the Internet went out, and I’m not sure when it will go back on, so this might be a little delayed because of the rain.

I appreciate all of your prayers, and know that they are what is getting me through the days. The work is hard, but totally worth every bit of effort put in. Just know that I am doing great, and the Lord is working in this place! I love each and every one of you!

I'm here!!

2010-08-09T17:27:00.001-07:00

I have finally made it to Haiti! Safe and sound! I am enjoying it already and I've only been here for a few hours! I can't wait to see what God has in store for me! Please keep me in your prayers as my true adventure starts tomorrow! Love you guys!

It's August?

2010-08-02T12:00:00.001-07:00

I cannot believe it is August! I feel like June and July flew by! I remember when I had 10 weeks before I left for my trip, and now it is simply 7 days. 1 week from today I will finally be in Haiti serving the Lord. I am so excited. Spiritually I know that I am prepared, but physically, I am not at all. I haven't packed or even thought about packing. I'm probably just gonna wait until the last minute knowing me.

So here's to a great August. I hope that whether you are in school, at work, or being lazy, that it is all for the Lord. I covet your prayers and I will blog again before I leave to let you know how that packing goes. Haha!

Here's a fun video to entertain you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hvaeHllwtw&feature=player_embedded

Two Weeks Notice!

2010-07-26T19:04:00.001-07:00

Ok you guys.. I have two weeks before I depart on my trip! TWO WEEKS! That is so crazy! I can't believe that it is two weeks away! I thought that time would drag on so slowly, but it has really passed quickly. In 14 days, I will be in Haiti, which will be my home for 127 days, or four months, or 19 weeks... whichever you fancy.

Things are finally starting to come together, and I feel like I'm finally getting close to leaving. I have made my "what to pack" list, my "what to buy" list, and I'm working on deciding what books I want to take to read while I'm there.

I went to the doctor today, and as many of you know, I absolutely HATE the doctor. Just stepping inside the building made my anxiety skyrocket! But thankfully, after 2 hours and 49 minutes, I got to leave and the doctor had only good news for me! We are trying new medicines, so hopefully in a few months I won't be as crazy (emotionally) as I am now. It should help my mood and hopefully, I won't cry as much :)

Today, I went to dinner with my sister and something she said made me leaving a lot more real! She mentioned that I was going to miss all kinds of trashy TV that I LOVE to watch! As much as I'm ready to get out of the habit of turning the TV on whenever I'm bored, it kind of hit me that I won't get to know what happens on Big Brother, or Hell's Kitchen or some other crappy show that is pointless to watch any way. I know that sounds super dumb to even think about missing a stupid TV show, but it really hit me today, that I'm leaving so soon! I know that once I'm there, I won't even have time to think about TV or the other comforts of home, and I am so excited for that!

A lot of people have asked me what I'm going to do when I get back. I have NO clue, and I really want to keep it that way until I get back. The Lord is going to reveal to me what my future holds when it is His time, and I would rather not try to figure it out now. I know that I'm doing what the Lord wants me to do right now, and that is all that really matters to me. I am so excited to see what He does while I'm in Haiti and when I get back.

If you can think of the little things that I need to remember to take with me on my trip, please tell me! I am so forgetful, and I definitely don't want to forget anything to pack!

Oh, and if you are in Nashville August 7th, we are having a little get together to say farewell at 3 pm in Centennial Park! Let me know if you want to come!

The most nerve-racking talk of my life.

2010-07-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

So, as I shared in my last post... I'M GOING TO HAITI! It is exactly 4 weeks from today and I will be on a plane flying to Miami then on to Port-Au-Prince!

As many of you know, I was TERRIFIED to tell my parents about what I wanted to do. I didn't think they would be too thrilled about me telling them that I wanted to spend 5 months in Haiti. When I went in October for 5 days, they weren't too excited. I had talked to my sister about it, and she said to be prepared for the absolute worst. And that is what I did. I had all of these awful situations played out in my head, but I kept praying that the Lord would soften their hearts and they would accept it and maybe even be supportive.

I knew my parents were about to go on vacation, so I had very limited time to tell them. I figured I would ask my mom to cook me dinner while my dad was home and then I could tell them after we ate. Well the day I wanted to do it, they decided to go to the lake with Dawn and Jimmy. So I left, and prayed that when I got home they would still be awake and I would be able to talk to them.

So they tell me they are home so I leave my friends and go to my house. On my way, an old friend from college calls me and tells me that he is in Nashville for one night. Of course, it had to be that night. Every ounce of me wanted to turn around and go visit him, but I knew that I needed to tell my parents. I prayed the entire way home and took a deep breathe before I went inside.

I walked in and they were watching a re-run of CSI:Miami, and I knew that this was the perfect set up because I wouldn't be interrupting anything they were doing. I small talked them for a second then told them that I needed to talk. Automatically my dad got this look on his face, which I call his "thinking face." This face terrifies small children. I felt this calming warmth over me, and I began to talk.

I told them that I was young, single, and unemployed so what better time to go out of the country for a few months then now! I presented it like I was "studying abroad." I told them about the orphanage I would be helping with, and how I would be living with Greg and Michelle. All I needed to do was raise $800 for a plane ticket and $500 a month for food and other necessities.

My mom started crying, and my dad just stopped and was silent for a minute. At that point, I didn't feel nervous or anything, but I was a little worried for a few seconds. Then my dad looked at me and said "I mean, I'm ok with that." He had questions about my safety, but he was overall supportive. My mom didn't say a thing the entire time, and I'm pretty sure she's not too excited about it, but I think she understands why I want to go.

Then came the biggest shocker I've had in a while: My dad doesn't want me to fundraise for my plane ticket, and is paying for it!

There is no way that this would've happened without the Lord. It is such a great affirmation to know that I'm doing what is inside of His will. He is so sovereign, and I am so excited to tell the whole world of his love.

It is finally coming to reality that I'm actually going. I've known for a long time that it is what I need to do, and now that I actually have approval of my parents and a plane ticket... It is an absolute crazy feeling. I'm so excited to see what the Lord is going to do through this trip.

I'm so so so so so so excited to go. I'm also a bit terrified. Moving away to a country where I don't speak the language and know 4 people is a little nerve-racking, but I know the Lord will give me peace.

It is quickly coming close to my leaving date, and my friends are starting to talk about me leaving, which is sad, but I know that what I'm going to be doing is so much bigger than what I could be doing staying in Nashville. The Lord is definitely going to be in every part of this journey, and I'm so excited to see what else He is going to do through me!

Indeed, I count everything as

loss because of the surpassing

worth of knowing Christ Jesus

my Lord. For his sake I have

suffered the loss of all things

and count them as rubbish, in

order that I may gain Christ.

Philippians 3:8

BIG BIG BIG NEWS!

2010-07-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

I'M GOING TO HAITI!!!

I was finally able to tell my parents, and they were surprisingly supportive. I never thought in a million years they would allow me, much let support my dream of going to Haiti!

I leave August 9th and return December 12th! I'm pretty sure I'll be having a going away party so I'll let you know when it's figured out!

Please be in prayer for me as I prepare to go and serve the Lord!

Rambling's from a late night.

2010-06-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

It's after midnight, which means I get super crazy and start thinking like crazy, so I decided to write some of my thoughts down, and let you guys in on what is going on in my head..

My heart is so full right now. Full of love, full of questions, full of concerns. For some reason, the past few days have put me in such a horrible mood. I have no clue what is causing it, or why it won't go away, but it is starting to get on my nerves. I honestly can't pinpoint exactly what is going on with me, so if I've been rude, awkward, or weird towards you lately, my deepest apologies.

I have all these plans for my life, and I'm really excited about them, but it is starting to stress me out. I have got to stop listening to the demands of the world and start being obedient to the Lord. I've tried so hard to please everyone around me, and not that it's a bad thing, but ultimately, the Lord's plans for my life are the only ones that matter.

I was reading through my earlier posts today, and remembered the wisdom that I once wrote to myself. I've been super guarded since January in many different aspects of life, but especially in letting people in my life. I have a few best friends, but besides them, it is hard for me to totally open up and let new people in my life. I've been totally tested in this lately because after camp, I started hanging out with all sorts of different people that I never had hung out with before. I know the Lord will use these friendships for good, but I still find myself being super guarded because I don't want to get hurt. So many of my friendships have changed, and I know that I need to let go and start trusting people again so that I am more open in my friendships.

Hopefully this foul mood will finally pass and my friends won't think I'm a complete psycho.

2 down, 3 to go!

2010-05-06T13:52:00.000-07:00

I have finished my two hardest finals! Now I have two easy ones and one more hard one until I am officially done with college! What an AMAZING feeling!

I think I'm going to go to Nashville this weekend to celebrate mothers day with my wonderful mother and grandmother! I'm so excited about seeing them and taking some time away from school!

I'll be able to blog more when I get done with finals! Until then..

Happy Mothers Day!

The FINAL finals.

2010-05-03T06:21:00.000-07:00

This week is my last week of finals EVER! I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally be done with school.

I graduate in 9 days... weird!!!! Life is all moving so fast, but I'm so excited to see where I am going to end up!

I know this is a short post, but I have to pass all these finals so I can GRADUATE!!!

>K

The City That Stole My Heart

2010-04-21T15:28:00.001-07:00

Hi friends!

I had been doing so well with updating my blog, but I know I went MIA the last few days. I promise you though, it was for a very good reason. Well... kind of :)

Last Friday was my Senior Sorority Formal! It was on the riverboat, and it was so much fun! We went to dinner first at Wasabi, which was delicious, then went on to the riverboat. We sailed away from 10-12 then ventured to Waffle House for some yummy eggs and bacon! I like IHOP more, but everyone else wanted to go to the Awful Waffle. I sure did eat it though..

I haven't added my pictures yet, but here are two of me with some of my sisters.

Oh Chelsea Lane.. You have a piece of my heart

The Lovely Courtney Holder!

I had a great time with some great friends, then got to sleep all day Saturday! I also went to dinner at O'Charleys and watched Napoleon Dynamite with my friend Michelle. It was great to just hang out and do nothing with some awesome friends.

Sunday was my favorite day of the weekend. I went to Church of the Cove for Sunday morning service and was tremendously blessed. We had a "guest preacher" named Rusty and he was very refreshing. He came up and the CSI theme song "Whoooooooo Are You? Who who? Who who?" Come on. Just imagine me singing that right now in my BEAUTIFUL voice. Haha

He talked about who we are in Christ. He really emphasized that we are CHILDREN of God! It is definitely good to be encouraged and be reminded of how amazing God is, and all the things He means to me. Rusty was also wearing a cape and had not mentioned it the entire service, so of course, I'm sitting there in my chair wondering why in the world this grown man has a red cape on! At the end of his sermon, he finally discussed the cape.

He told us a story of a man that wore a cape everywhere that he went. When the man was asked why he said, "because when you see someone with a cape on, you think, something good is about to happen." Shouldn't that be what Christians look like? When a person professes Christ, shouldn't people around them say oh yeah, something good is about to happen.

This definitely changed the way I think. I so often live my life as if no one around me is watching. Not that I do anything ridiculously bad, but people don't look at me and say, SOMETHING good is about to happen, whether it be encouragement, a friendly smile, or anything! I have missed so many opportunities to be nice, and share Christ, but I miss them because of my mood. I need to be nicer, I need to encourage people, and I need to LOVE. Rusty really blessed me and I'm so glad that the Lord placed him in that church that specific morning to minister to me.

Sunday night the youth group went to feed the homeless in Knoxville. That is definitely always a blessing. I always "help" Mr. Jack cook, but I get to stand there and talk to him and really be encouraged by his sweet words. Not only were the youth talking with the homeless and forming relationships, but we were helping people out, and that is an awesome feeling.

Before I left I didn't realize something. That was probably my last time to feed the homeless with Church of the Cove since I'm leaving Knoxville soon. I've had so much fun feeding the homeless with them, and I might even make a special trip just to minister to those people with them.

Monday dragged on.. like most. But Kaitlin and Caroline came over to watch Dancing With The Stars, where we laughed a lot and made fun of Kate Gosselin. For real... she's terrible. But she was better this week than last week when she walked around the dance floor with an angry glare.

Please watch and enjoy this : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIIxcihGiGo

Tuesday has been my favorite day, by far, in a really long time. I went to my child psychology class, which wasn't half bad that day, then hit the road for Nashville. I got home and me, my mom AND my DAD (he was so very helpful) put together all of my graduation invitations. Talk about a WEIRD feeling. We got all of the done except for about 9 that I have to do now that I'm back in Knoxville. After we finished my mom cooked this awesome meal of grilled chicken and smoked sausage, yummy noodles, beans and cornbread, deviled eggs, and cottage cheese. It was so nice to have a home cooked meal for once.

After dinner, I went to Trevecca Nazarene University to see my friend Jacob Perry perform his senior recitation. I’ve always known that Jacob has written poetry, but I have never really heard or read any of his stuff. I was so excited to see him because I had not seen him in over a year, maybe two. He began with some songs that he had written, and then moved on to reading part of a collection of poetry that he wrote.

After being blown away by his talent, we went to the hallway to eat yummy treats that his mom made for us. I had this AMAZING brownie and some wonderful punch. I got to see a bunch of old friends from high school and got to chat and hang out with them for a while.

Jacob had asked me a few days before his shindig if I wanted to grab coffee and hang out after he got done, so we went to café coco. That place is probably one of my favorite places in the world. It’s so chill and relaxing and we got to talk about life, love, and everything else going on in our lives. It was so refreshing to talk to a boy (excuse me, man) that really loves the Lord and strives to do His will, and His will alone. As Christians, a lot of us talk the talk but don’t walk the walk, and I can truly say that Jacob is a man that does both.

Like me, Jacob has had a really rough year. We were able to relate to each other and talk about everything that both of us had gone through. It was so refreshing to have someone understand the struggles that we were going through. It was such a fun time to reconnect, and we’ve decided that this summer is going to be filled with fun adventures.

It was a short trip to Nashville, but totally worth every second. I’m so happy with where I am at right now, and I know that I’m making good decisions. Now if I can make it three weeks, I’ll be done with school and headed back to the city that stole my heart.

HER

2010-04-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading an AWESOME book by a dear dear dear friend of mine, Josh. He is an amazing guy that I've had the privilege of knowing for a few years. He and I are pretty much gangster warriors, as you can see :)

Anyway, he wrote this totally awesome book called Heaven's Earthly Romance. As a Christian, dating has always been "different." I have many of my own beliefs and morals that I formed from my faith, and that I will stick to, like I will not have sex before marriage, nor will I move in with a man until he is my husband. I will remain pure until they day "I do" comes, and I will not falter on that.

However, "dating" has always been a fuzzy subject. I will be the first to admit that I have dated some crazies, that were not seeking the Lord, and therefore ended up hurting me. Society always says that date until you find the right one, and a date won't hurt anyone, but reading this book has really put my life back into perspective.

If you read this blog then you know that I have been dealing with a lot of heartbreak. It's truth time... I have been "dating for fun" and I haven't been praying for my future husband, or really caring about dating and marriage. Josh's book just reminded me of all the reasons that I decided to be pure and to wait for the right man.

Society will not trick me into thinking I need a boyfriend or that I need to do certain things to fit in. I'm still going to be me, and I'm not going to just date for fun because it's what everyone else is doing. I want my husband to do the same, so how could I not that that.

At the end of his book, he wrote this amazing letter to his future wife (although he is married now). It was so real, and so wonderful, and what every girl dreams of having a man say to her. I realized that most of the boys I've dated or been interested in have not been fully seeking the Lord. Josh's last chapter was about settling, and I will not settle. I deserve an amazing man who will love the Lord more than me, and love me like Christ loved the church.

I will leave college without a boyfriend or fiance, and I'm actually OK with it. I know the Lord has someone awesome out there for me who is going to love every part of me, even the bad parts. I'm no where near perfect, and I know my husband will not be either, but I know that our relationship will be grounded in Christ, and we will live HAPPY. Always. Happy in Christ.

That's all for today.

I recommend EVERYONE read this book. It is so wonderful.

It's called Heaven's Earthly Romance, by Sweh.

>K

The Best Concert I've EVER seen!

2010-04-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday night, I went to the Bijou theatre with my friends Chris, Courtney and Bitsy to see Ingrid Michaelson and Matt Kearney. It was SUCH an amazing concert! When I first heard about the show I was really excited to see Mat Kearney because he is one of my favorite artists. Leaving the concert, I am now a HUGE Ingrid Michaelson fan.

Cara Salimando started off the show with an acoustic set. She is a 17-year-old singer/songwriter who opened up for Mat and Ingrid. She was super talented and her songs were super relatable. She did sing a lot about LOVE, which is not one of my favorite topics, but she was still super talented, and a joy to watch.

Sorry for the poor quality. The Bijou has a no flash photography policy.

Next up was Ingrid Michaelson. She came out and looked super cute! She has a very quirky personality, and was very funny. She compared the audience to "stuck up Brits" because we were not a were rowdy crowd. She definitely had ways to make us laugh and she even got us to sing with her a little bit. Ingrid is probably most well known for her song "The Way I Am." After performing this song, she joked about how when she was 80 she would still be singing this song to little boys at their Barmitzah's. She is definitely someone I would go see in concert again.

She ended the show with a cover of Britney Spear's Toxic, which was a JOY to watch. They even busted out some pretty sweet dance moves.

Mat Kearney was the last performer, and he was so wonderful! He is definitely a very chill performer, and we were DEFINITELY a chill audience, so he seemed a little discouraged that we weren't the rowdy kind. He even jumped off the stage and went through the audience. He was a lot of fun, and at the end of the show everyone that had been on stage came out and had an impromptu dance party. It was so much fun!

Overall, this was probably one of the best concerts I have seen in an extremely long time. Good friends and good music. Nothing beats that!

Utter Excitement Right Now!

2010-03-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

I AM SO EXCITED!

I am going to see Ingrid Michaelson and Mat Kearney tonight! It will definitely be a stress reliever and help me relax for a few hours and get away from everything that has been driving me crazy lately!

The best part: I'M THIRD ROW!! And I'm going with two of my co-workers!

I've been listening to Mat and Ingrid all day, and I can't wait to see them tonight! I'll definitely be taking LOTS of pictures!

The only downside to this concert tonight is that I have a journalism law exam tomorrow night, but I'm not going to let that get in the way of having an amazing night!

Another wonderful thing happened today.. I hooked me a formal date! My friend Brandon and I are going to my formal on the riverboat! I know that he will be loads of fun and we will have a great time together! Here's a picture of us from a couple of summers ago.

We're cute. Bahaha. I'm so excited! And I can't wait until April 9th!

This might be the best day I've had in a VERY long time!

>K

I will ALWAYS bleed orange!

2010-03-29T12:19:00.001-07:00

I could not be a more proud volunteer. My Vols made History this year by making it past the Sweet Sixteen and all the way to the Elite Eight! I have never seen them play harder or they their hearts on the court more. J.P., Wayne, and Bobby really stepped up as Seniors this year and made Vols basketball relevant again. And I could never forget Bruce Pearl. He's such a wonderful person and an amazing coach.

We beat a number one AND number two team this year. We beat Kansas first, after the infamous New Year's Day incident, which I WILL NOT go into here. The commentators have pretty much covered it as much as it can be covered. Beating Kansas was AWESOME! The fans tried to rush the court, but were stopped by security. I got smashed in the middle of all of it, and had bruises to prove it! It was still an amazing feeling to be on the front row supporting an awesome team without four key players.

We then beat Kentucky, who was ranked number two at the time we played. Thompson Boling had a camp out inside the arena which was a lot of fun. We had to wait for a while outside, so me and my friend Kevin decided to take lots of pictures!

Don't worry, I won't bore you with the others that we took! This game was the "outlive" game where all the proceeds from the outlive shirts that were sold went to fund cancer research. Bruce Pearl bought all the students shirts so we all sported them during the game.

Logan!! Basketball buddies since Sophomore year!

I helped paint these boys!

Sully! What a sad day for our friendship!

Charlie!

Benny Boo!!!

I was so excited when we entered the tournament. I entered my bracket in an office pool, and WON! It was only $40, but I was so excited! Then, this boy and I argued over whose bracket would be better so I'm also receiving three free Wendy's ice creams in the very near future! I had us going to the Sweet Sixteen and losing, but boy was I wrong! Unfortunately, I didn't get to watch the UT/Ohio State match-up, but I watched it after I found out the score. Since the majority of my brother-in-laws family are from Ohio, they are naturally Ohio State fans, so I sent this to a lot of my family members:

So, needless to say, I LOVE my Vols. I'm so proud of them! Although we didn't make it to the championship, we made it farther than anyone thought we would, and thats enough to be proud of. I will always be a Volunteer and I will always love my Vols!

No Matter Where I am, Healing is in YOUR hands!

2010-03-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

I have been super struggling lately. My heart is broken into pieces and it's starting to take a toll on me. My heartbreak, I don't mean the kind where your boyfriend just broke up with you after 3 months and your heart is broken because you "loved" him. It's not like that. I feel like the people I trusted for the most of my senior year in college, I can't trust anymore. It hurts so much to know that the people I have relied on for so many months have now been ripped from my grasp.

The only thing that makes it a little easier is knowing that I probably shouldn't have given my complete trust to those people anyway. Some of you probably don't know this, but I trust entirely too easy. I don't necessarily think it is a bad thing, but it definitely can be. It is now biting me in the butt. I'm a very open person and I think that's why I trust everyone. I have my guard up so high right now, that I'm not sure anyone will be able to break it down. Old wounds and new ones are gushing and it's really just making me feel awful. I don't know if I'm supposed to shut down emotionally and let know one in, or just pretend like nothing has ever happened.

Spring break was a week that I needed. My body needed to rest, and I did A LOT of that. I went to bed every night at 10:30 and woke up at 7. But I messed up. Big time. The very first day I forgot who I was and what my values were and completely let go of what I knew was right. I'm not proud, but I've moved on. I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt after it happened and from that day on I didn't want to do anything else except sleep and try to forget it ever happened. The only thing that made me realize that I would make it through is the fact that the Lord forgives. Knowing this, I should have been able to forgive myself, but it wasn't until the end of Spring Break when I finally realized I could forgive myself too.

But just because I forgave myself doesn't mean I will ever forget what happened. I feel as if I grew so much after it, and remembered that the Lord is the only important thing in my life. I often forget that the Lord is ALL I need, and this reminder came at such a good time.

With a broken heart, it is hard to see God's will for my life. I know he is going to put me through trials before he prepares me for a bigger adventure. When I blogged on relationships I was in a spot in my life when I was ok with being single. Most days, I still feel that way. But I can't help but wonder if I will ever get married. I desire that so much, but I won't settle for anything less that what I deserve. My friend Sarah Beck always tells me to never settle and to make sure that my husband is my best friend and someone that will treat me better than what I even think. That being said, it's clear to see that I have HIGH expectations.

Last year I got my heart ripped in half. Of course, it was by a boy I knew that I should not be involved with, but nevertheless, it killed me inside. This boy was one of my best friends, but we weren't based on the right thing. We were attracted to each other, and liked the idea of each other, but our spiritual lives were only brought up a few times. Of course, I fell for this boy, and he told me the same and that he wanted a future with me, then disappeared. I trusted this boy with information that I don't tell anyone. Ever. But I thought he was trustworthy and if our relationship was going to move forward, he needed to know some things about me. I've since healed from this heartbreak most days, but sometimes my heart breaks again thinking of how great a friend a lost.

Recently, the same thing happened again. I thought that I had completely healed from the first boy, the this one re-opened every would that I had and cut them even deeper. This time it was different. I didn't know of the feelings this boy had for me, and he was one of my best guy friends. I ended up losing my best friend. It wasn't fun. I understood his reasoning for backing away from me, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

Now I'm in such a difficult position. I don't feel as if I can trust anyone anymore. I have so much going on in my life, especially with my future, and I don't trust anyone to completely open up about it. This is a hard spot to be in.

But rest assured, I have found some peace. The Lord has been SO GOOD to me lately. I'm reminded over and over through His Word how sovereign He is. I'm never alone. I can ALWAYS trust Him. He can rescue me from the feelings I've been having lately and can cure my broken heart. I'm not saying it will be easy to heal my heart, but if anyone can do it, the LORD can. I can't wait to see what He is going to do in my life. Now if I can only make it through 6 more weeks of school....

>K

My last day of PR.

2009-11-24T08:24:00.001-08:00

Today is the very last day that I ever have to to anything PR related at the University of Tennessee. We turned in our 70 something page book last week and we have our presentation to the client this afternoon. I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally be done with PR.

Part of me thinks that I should try to stay in PR and get a PR job and be a professional, but the other part of me just wants to change the world.

Good thing about today though is that I feel super grown up and professional in my business skirt and button down shirt. I'll post pictures of my group later so you can see all of us in our business-y attire.

Tonight after our presentation we are going to eat mexican and hang out in a non-school related setting. I'm so excited about that because we haven't been able to hang out with each other except for working on the project.

Other good news: I'm going home TOMORROW morning! I get to leave around 10 am. I am so excited to see my family and hang out with my friends that I don't get to see very often. I'm so stoked about it!

Today is my relaxation day so I'll blog more over Thanksgiving break! Have a safe Thanksgiving everyone!

Why, oh why did I decide Public Relations?

2009-11-17T06:07:00.000-08:00

Today, our huge project was supposed to be due. Of course, the teacher decided to push back the due date, so now it is due on Thursday. I almost wish it would have been over today. I'm so tired of public relations, and especially this project.

Today we had to go to class to take our senior exit exam. That was a little scary knowing that was the last PR test I will EVER have to take. I'm super excited though because After next Tuesday I will be completely done with public relations FOREVER.

This class is called campaigns (or pr 470). Basically, the teacher picks a client, and a team of six creates an entire campaign. Most of the campaigns are awareness or fundraising campaigns.

Our client is Recording for the Blind & Dyslexic in Blount County. Sounds like a blast, right? When she announced that this would be our client, I freaked out a little bit because I had never even heard of them. Turns out, they are a non-profit organization that records books for children with reading disabilities.

Our campaign focuses on the fact that no one knows about them, and they have no money. As you can imagine, creating a campaign that is cost-effective but tells everyone about them is a little ridiculous and very hard to do. So I've spent this entire semester along with 5 girls trying to figure out how to make this work. It hasn't been easy, but I think we did a pretty good job. We are having it printed tomorrow and we will turn it in on Thursday morning. Our presentation to the client is next Tuesday, then I'm done! Praise the Lord!

I did get a little break from it the other day. I went home to Nashville last weekend to visit my family. I had not seen my dad is around 2 months, so it was really great to be able to hang out with them. We went to the Titans game on Sunday, and it reminded me of when I was a little girl and how I always loved going to the games with him. I got to see Brittany too, my best friend EVER. We went and drank some Starbucks coffee (except she had apple spice and I had hot chocolate hehe) and we sat and talked for a few hours. I am so proud of her because she was telling me how she was struggling, but also how she was facing those struggles. She's such a strong girl, and she definitely helped me with some of the things I was going through. She is so wise to be so young, but she's absolutely amazing and I love her to death. Here's a picture of us in St. Louis spring break.

We were pretending to be bears.

I also started knitting again! This time, I think I'm going to give all my scarves that I knit to homeless people. Good stress reliever and turning it around to do something good.

I hope all of you have a wonderful day, and remember to count your blessings this month (and all the time :)

Peace out!

>K

Sleepy Day!

2009-11-06T13:17:00.000-08:00

I am having such a sleepy day! I cannot seem to wake up, even after a whole cup of tea! I did get a nice little surprise this morning though. Lil Wayne totally gave Lane Kiffin, aka lil lane, another shout-out on this video he made.

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/2467359

It's pretty funny. He talks about Lane around the 15 minute mark. Just a little gift to the few of you that read this :)